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Taekwondo has changed my life completely!



mrdanny090 1 / -  
Feb 10, 2015   #1
Describe an activity, interest, experience, or achievements in your life (this could be a book, a movie, or an activity or experience at work, home, or school) that has been particularly meaningful for you.

The most meaning activity that I have embarked upon is Taekwondo, I was eight years old when i first started this journey of enlightenment. Before taking Taekwondo, i was a very hyperactive child with a serious temper. I was never able to really focus on my schoolwork. It seemed like everyday i would get in trouble with my teachers or fight with other students. But, after stating Taekwondo after a while things began to click and i was able to use all that stored up energy in something more constructive. For myself Taekwondo has meant so much more than just a martial art. It has infused into my everyday life. By engaging in this activity it has given me strength, confidence, and respect for not only others but for myself too.

Since starting Taekwondo at age eight i have been able to accomplish a lot within the Taekwondo community. Through hard work and dedication I have become a second degree black belt and have won countless amounts of tournaments. In order to accomplish these achievements one has to to go many years of training, at least two hours a day and had to study South Korean terminology and much more. Personally i have learned so much from the ideology of Taekwondo. One ideology that I still use today are the "Five Tenets of Taekwondo", this has helped me stay on the course while in school and in my everyday life. These five words (courtesy, integrity, self-control, perseverance, and indomitable spirit) focus on the positive development and molding of an individual. The Tenets of Taekwondo are not just words but are essential qualities that any martial artist should attempt to live by in life.

kibz95 16 / 53  
Feb 10, 2015   #2
Hello Daniel, its nice to see a foreigner so devoted in my countries sport! (Yes, I am Korean) I hope you enjoy tae kwon do for a long time!

In any case, since there's nothing about this essay being a formal essay, I really have nothing to say. your grammar is good, wording and organization isn't that bad as well. The only thing I would like to mention is that your essay is lacking a lot of personal details with is insanely essential to this type of essay, the topic specifically asked for your experience and how the event impacted you. And yet you continue explaining why tae kwon do is good, or what it had done for you but nothing about how it changed you. What were you before you began tae kwon do, how did you change? Was it the sport itself, or was it your teacher? How did you earn respect for yourself? What made you realize you weren't respecting yourself now in hindsight? You see all these questions? These re the answers the essay wants you to answer. Let's be honest, anybody can state what you said even if it is a lie. but real experience, that's difficult to fabricate which is why essays with good personal examples with details are fun and exciting to read. Please take the time to add more details about HOW it changed you.


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