"Taekwondo, this is an individual sport" - experience/achievement

the topic is: evaluate a significant experience/achievement i your life and say how it has impacted you... i would appreciate any input!!

Heart pounding, palms sweating, mind racing as I take my first step into the ring. Every early morning session at the gym, every late night rushing down the homewrok, every bruise, every drop of sweat, every tear that ever ran down my cheeks all came down to this moment. I'm alone the ring but I feel everyone I have ever trained with behind me. Their presence is strong as though they were right there next to me. I hear Flo and Dorian screaming from the crowds, I see the rest of them team waving their Trinidad flags high in the air, I look back and see my coach, as ready for the fight as I am; this was the moment I realized that this is an individual sport but doing it alone is impossible.

When I started Taekwondo nine years ago I was looking for an afterschool activity, something to pass the long hours between when school ended and bedtime. At the time I didn't know it would become the single most influential move I would ever make in the chess game that was my life (at least for now, I'm only eighteen.) I started competing in 2006, it was only then I really understood what I had gotten myself into.

I had experienced my fair share of loss in my competitive career and honestly I was beginning to doubt whether I should continue in this sport that I loved. It seemed that all my fears came crashing down on me prior to this tournament. I started doubting myself and my abilities. Luckily I had some of the best people in the world on my side, my coach and my teammates: teammates I have now come to view as family, they gave me confidence every step of the way and never allowed me to become overwhelmed by my fears. The day of competition had come, I am fighting Venezuela, one of the strongest Taekwondo teams in the Pan American region.

I step into the ring, the referee signals the start and the most important fight of my life thus far had begun. The funny thing is, now I cannot tell you what steps I made, which kicks I used the most or even which round I scored my head shot. What I remember from those three rounds was the seemingly insignificant things. I remember looking up into the crowds just as I took my ready position and seeing small Trinidadian flags flying around like mardigras beads at carnival. I remember my opponent's face and seeing my own feelings of readiness, fear, doubt and an eagerness to fight reflected there. I cannot tell you the score after the first round but I can tell you exactly what my coach told me and what flavor Gatorade I was drinking.

The final round rolls around, I'm ahead by two points (I looked at the video later on) and it's so close, everything I've worked for is two minutes away, one more round, but I know in Taekwondo that round can be the deciding factor of any match. I put my head gear on and step into the ring for the last time. 'I will win,' is the only thing running through my mind, I refuse to let this girl take this from me. I pour my heart into the ring for that two minutes. I am the victor, the referee gestures in my direction and announces that I have one the fight. I scream out from excitement and run straight to my coaches and teammates and to celebrate for this win is as much theirs as it is mine.

The whirlwind is over, I am a medalist at the Central American and Caribbean Games. I credit my success hard work, long hours and the unwavering support of the people in my life. Through Taekwondo I have learned so much about life. I learned teamwork is probably the most valuable lesson a person could learn and that the best friends are the ones that are those that are with you through the good and the bad times in your life. My success has renewed my love and passion for this sport. I believe the most important thing I have learned is that the most worthwhile things in life are those that are the hardest to come by.

homework is misspelled in the second line

try to avoid contractions in a formal essay (don't should be DO NOT)

our first paragraph is really good, really hooks the reader.

overall good job :)

thank you so much... i realized 'homewrok' after i uploaded it:S

This part is a run on sentence... it is complicated and hard to identify as a proper sentence or an improper one.. but really... you should simplify. And to be honest, I think you should not give all these details, like their names and the "looking back to see the coach..as ready as you are..." It is important for you to know what impression or message you want to send to the reader. What is that impression? In what way will the reader's life be better for having read this essay?

Whatever your gift is to the reader, you need to really know it. That way, you can trim away extra details that distract attention away from the experience you want to provide.

I see this as your theme: doing it alone is impossible.

And this expresses the theme, too, but it DEFINITELY needs to be simplified: teamwork is probably the most valuable lesson a person could learn and that the best friends (are the ones that are those that are??) with you ...

The theme, then, is a good one, but it needs to be developed more. The point of the essay is to give the reader a NEW insight. What new insight, related to supportive friendship and teamwork, can you share with the reader?

:-)