Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Most important message of all was never take anything for granted. But you must also never get too comfortable and always have respect, look beyond your own perspective, and yes, there will be times when you will have to give more for less, but more than anything, keep your cool. As a college student trying to become a doctor, one of the greatest experiences I've had was not education related but helped in my own personal growth which I value just as much now.
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Yes, I think this essay a little bit too casual.
keep your cool and What a lie...these words can be altered to more academic words.
I like your explanaton of an example about relationship with a girl.
but as a girl, I simply happy if I've got a bunch of flowers!!! and I might forgive him!!
Most important message of all was never take anything for granted. But you must also never get too comfortable and always have respect, look beyond your own perspective.A nd yes, there will be times when you will have to give more for less, but more than anything, keep your cool. As a college student trying to become a doctor, one of the greatest experiences I've had was not education- related. B ut it helped with my own personal growth, which I value just as much now.
Someone (Your girlfriend? If you don't mind, it might be better to be more specific.) told me that if I buy her enough flowers, she would forgive me. What a lie. At that point, I couldn't conceive the magnitude of my wrongdoing, and all I wanted was her. You could say that I was in "love" for lack of a better word. I devoted my spare time to call her hoping she would pick up or respond back to my text messages. With no success, I was "stuck," as my friends called it. Not to sound too dramatic, but I'm pretty sure there has been a time when it felt like your heart dropped past your diaphragm to be washed up in the acids of your stomach. But through this stage came the dawn of my reflection. Growing up, I wasn't a vocal person. S o when I'd get angry, I knew it was much more than a simple temper problem. (You can also connect these sentences with a semicolon.)The thing was, I never bothered fixing it. We'd fight and I'd let the anger get to me. After all was said and done, it wasn't a simple apology to a clean slate. (you mean it took more than just a simply apology?) This is where I found my first rule: Look beyond your own perspective. Also , whenever we were together, it was easy to speak directly out of my unfiltered mind. And there came rule two: B e comfortable but don't forget to respect. Oftentimes , in stubborn adherence to our position, we tended to alienate each other. So came rule three: Ask myself "Would you rather be right or happy ?"
I know these rules are simple clichés that we have been told for so long and all seem logical. But I'm proud of this experience because without it, I'd still have my old, narrow perspective, cross the line, and be known as the angry one. I believe that a doctor is more than someone with a medical degree. A doctor must truly care for the patient and tolerate worse things rather than simply keeping himself cool. And developing my personality turned out just as progressive for my future as going to school.
I just corrected some grammatical errors that seemed to stick out. :) It seems like you wanted to keep it casual, and I hope I didn't ruin the original tone of the essay. Good luck with becoming a great doctor!
thanks a lot for the quick editing. I really like the editing you did!! thank you!!!
I was kind of worried on whether the topic was ok or not. Do you think learning from a relationship is something i should write about?
As far as tone, i kind of wanted to keep it casual but should i not?
Most important message of all was to never take anything for granted. (oops, my bad. haha)
I do NOT think using your relationship as an essay topic is a bad idea, especially when what you learned from it greatly contributed to your self-growth and helped you develop traits that a good doctor needs. Keeping your tone casual throughout your essay seems fine to me, but you might consider omitting "What a lie"? (Not really because it makes your essay casual but it seems rather unnecessary.)
If you're gonna stick to this one, which I find interesting ;), I suggest you read it over again and fix the intro a bit. I was just going through it one more time, and I realized that you said "But you must also never get too comfortable," while saying, "Be comfortable but..." later on. I'm not sure if they're meant to describe the same situation, but if so, it seemed a bit contradictory to me.
Overall, I like the topic and how you developed the essay! The only thing is that if I were you, I'd go further with the second paragraph. (Maybe put a little more than one-line description of how you learned those lessons?) And when you're done, try to make the connection between the intro and that paragraph seem clearer by changing the organization of the first two lines.
p.s: Is there a word limit? :(
Goooooooooood luck! :D
yeapp theres a word limit and so i wrote so short on what i learned. its 1000 words for 2 prompts and this is usually the shorter one. well thats what many websites suggest...
