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Let's take it easy. Despacitus — U-chicago extended essay

anna123 8 / 14 3  
Dec 28, 2018   #1
Lost your keys? Alohomora. Noisy roommate? Quietus. Feel the need to shatter windows for some reason? Finestra. Create your own spell, charm, jinx, or other means for magical mayhem. How is it enacted? Is there an incantation? Does it involve a potion or other magical object? If so, what's in it or what is it? What does it do?

Any comments, criticism, compliments, questions, advice, ideas, welcomed!

The effect of Despacitus

A blaring bleep emitted from my alarm clock pounds me awake.
Half conscious, I reach out, grasp the screeching irritant and give it three perfunctory bonks on the wall until the screaming ceases. I drift back to by comfortable and cozy dream.

30 minutes later, I wake up to another cry.
This time, however, it is my mother, yelling of my potential tardy to school[c1] . I sit up and flip my much-abused alarm-clock. A mini-heart seizure takes over me when I see the time displayed.

I dart down to the bathroom, pull on whatever clothes are lying around, throw my books and pens into my bag, and rush out the door. Panting, I arrive at the station and dart up the endless stairs to the platform where the crammed train awaits me. Several other sleep-inners are running alongside me, but I sidestep them with ease. Looks like my arduous training at track and field club has finally paid off. I manage to squeeze myself into the cramped compartment, just as the doors close to trap me in, allowing the pungent odor of sweaty business men to pervade the car and encroach my nostrils.

The real challenge, however, lies ahead of me at Shinjuku station, where I must venture through the congested concourse. We burst out of the suffocating train as soon as the doors open, like thousands of fish released into the sea, and wade to the next transit: the Yamanote line, one of the most important railways of Tokyo, and consequently, the busiest. Men and women in all sizes and ages wrestle to the Yamanote platform, pushing and crashing into me in the process. I am a piece of debris sadly floating amongst the massive wave of people that charge towards the platform. Some fling their bags at me and proceed oblivious to the fact. Others cluck their tongue (the Japanese equivalent to the finger) as they push into me and mutter words harsh to the ear, rendering me to plug in my earbuds and blast some enlightening pop Latino.

Only upon my disembarkation from the final train to my suburban destination am I finally at ease to enjoy the music.
It was during my enjoyment of this catchy Spanish song taking over pop radio that I concocted my incantation: "Despacitus."
Unlike the antiquated Latin spells in Harry Potter, this spell with Spanish origins is the solution for those who desire for most contemporary issues.
The effect of Despacitus is simple: everything becomes slow motion; or at least your perception of it does. Although scientists are still quizzical, it is hypothesized that Despacitus somehow stimulates the locus epinephrine system, increasing the neurotransmitter epinephrine, and enhancing the speed of neuron responses. Long story short: your internal processes are speeded up, resulting in the experience of time slowing down.

Imagine: you wake up to a beautiful morning, birds chirping, and the crisp morning air ruffling your hair. Unfortunately, you are grounded back to reality upon your arrival to the station; everything is a whir as businessmen and students run past to make it to the next train as if their lives depend on it. You pull out your wand, tap your head twice, and mutter Despasitus. The effects are immediate. Now you do not have to worry about averting yourself from potential collisions.

Despacius is useful in a array of situations. Cast Despasitus prior to a debate, and you'll have plenty of time to consider your next statement and rebuttal, while your opponent drones on and on regarding the death penalty. Despasitus can also be utilized in a broader social context, including the detection of lies by analysis of micro-expressions, prevention of car accidents, and the avoidance of dropping dishes.

As the doors free me at Shinjuku station along with my fellow sweaty peers, the race unfolds in front of me. But I stroll on impervious to runners' frenzied eyes, imagining the peaceful world with the efficacy of my incantation. What a wonderful world that would be.

LizLee 2 / 3 2  
Dec 28, 2018   #2
Hi Anna,

I am not a native English speaker. So this post is more like a discussion than giving advice.

I enjoy reading your article, which has amusing plots and beautiful imagination.

But I do have some questions.

When I read it for the first time, I felt confucius about those unfamiliar vocabularies, such as Alohomora, Quietus, Finestra, DESPACITUS. In the last paragraphs, you do explain DESPACITUS, but what is the connection of it between other words?

Also, the paragraphs after this sentence "A blaring bleep emitted from my alarm clock pounds me awake." are talking about an event that has past, aren't they? Is it better to use past tense?

Looking forward to your reply.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,590 2492  
Dec 29, 2018   #3
Anna, the essay should focus on Despacitus first and foremost. Edit the essay to bring up paragraphs that refer to the spell immediately. Don't focus on the scene at the station as that is not the reason for writing this essay. A reviewer appreciates any essay that gets directly to the point from the very start because it gives him enough time to assess your essay based on required elements instead of having to look for the required elements in the essay. If I were you, I would open this essay by saying something like:

The craziness of the Shinjuku train station is one for the books. It is a place where chaos and mayhem reign supreme. It is the place where I wish I could cast an incantation to make time go by slower so that people don't look like they are always running after time. I would cast a "Despacitus" spell on everyone there to help them breathe and relax a little bit as they make their way to the station. Unlike the Latin spell...

By bringing attention to why the spell is necessary, what it is called, and what its effects should be, the reviewer immediately gets to know the most important information about the spell you have concocted. That is what you have to do. Give less importance to the set-up and back story and more attention to the reasons, effects, and outcomes of the spell.

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