Please read and revise! Its due tomorrow so anything would be appreciated! I am applying to UCLA.
Its for the UC Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
They say it's in my blood, its genetic, something I was born with - in other words a natural talent. For many years, I struggled with the opinion that I was untalented. Everyone else I knew had something special to be proud of - a good voice, natural athleticism, genius brains. I had none of these qualities. Until high school, I truly believed that I was an untalented anomaly - my talent was in being untalented.
When I entered high school, I continued ...
Thanks so much!
They say it's in my blood, that it' s genetic, something I was born with - in other words, a natural talent. For many years, I struggled with the opinion that I was untalented. Everyone else I knew had something special to be proud of: (a colon eliminates the redundancy of your dash usage, though there is nothing grammatically incorrect here) a good voice, natural athleticism, or genius brains. I had none of these qualities. Until high school, I truly believed that I was an untalented anomaly. - my talent was in being untalented. (you believed yourself to be untalented; to state that you had a talent for being untalented is paradoxical [did you mean for to it be so?].
When I entered high school, I continued to put in effort into my athletics, into my studies, and into other activities. (run-on)I continued to see the results of my efforts, but nothing seemed to "come naturally." Sophomore year, I was elected captain of my gymnastics team, yet still I did not recognize this clear sign; I believed I was elected just because I worked hard and was liked by my teammates. I was also elected vice-president of my local youth group, the National Conference of Synagogue Youth (NCSY). After waiting for the foot I had broken in gymnastics the year before to heal, I realized that I was at a crossroads: I could choose to attempt to continue in gymnastics, working hard to get back to the level I had been at, or I could retire from the sport, and use my newfound free time to try some new activities. I chose the latter.
I knew junior year would be challenging. At the same time, I realized that I had two years left in high school and there was still much I wanted to do. This influenced my decision to run for Executive for Jewish Life and Diversity on my school's student council, a position that I won. I was also elected to be the president of NCSY. Before the school year started, I attended a summer program called Jewish Overseas Leadership Training (JOLT). I began to realize that I may have a talent after all, and that I really did come by it naturally: leadership . My mother is the President of the board of directors at my elementary school, and has been on the board for 16 years. My father is the vice-president of our synagogue and an active member of the board of my high school since its inception. I believed that ALL families had similar situations. It was not until I became involved in my own leadership pursuits that I realized it takes talent to succeed as a leader. As a senior I ran again for student council, and again won; I am the co-president of my school's STAND (anti-genocide) chapter; I am repeating as president of NorCal NCSY, and am now serving as Vice President of Northern California on the West Coast regional board of NCSY, and as a member of the national board for NCSY.
I now understand that I am not talentless, although my talent may be less tangible than others (leadership is a very noticeable quality!) . I am proud of my accomplishments through leadership. I work hard to help make school a more enjoyable place for others; I plan and run events for NCSY, and I help educate my fellow students about issues surrounding genocide. My experiences in leadership have taught me many lessons that I will cherish for the rest of my life: how to work well in a group, maintain the sometimes tenuous ties between the administration and students, plan and run successful events, manage time effectively, and organize everything! I also know that leadership cannot fully be developed in four years, or in ten years, but is a continually developing skill, and that my talent in leadership only gives me an advantage, not all of the answers. It will take the same hard work and dedication I employed in my other pursuits to be a successful leader after high school. I plan to make the commitment required in order to succeed.
A solid essay indeed! When you mention that your parents are in leadership positions, emphasize the effort required to be a leader; while a natural propensity to lead is certainly part of the equation, talents require great effort to properly cultivate.
