Teaching Primary Children English - extracurricular activity (150 words!)

I ask him basic questions. Peter remains silent. I read him a story. He fidgets worriedly. I draw some pictures for him. He scribbles. This continues for a few weeks. Then one day, Peter starts pointing excitedly at my friend's soccer shirt. It turns out he has a passion for soccer, so we take him outside to play some ball. In those few enthusiastic minutes of playing time he warms up to us and starts to speak. When we return to class he's noticeably more involved.

Classes were big but we split into small groups as there was an emphasis on building a personal connection with each student. Every child was different and so each one required a different approach. Getting to know the students and helping them gain confidence in their communication skills - like I experienced with Peter - was my favorite part of the activity.

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Grammar + help on writing a better concluding line, thanks!

Ok so your first paragraph is great. It's creative, simple but intriguing.

I think you should probably write a different second paragraph. In your first you showed, in your second try telling. Try reflecting on what you wrote in the first paragraph. You don't actually mention at any point in your response that you're teaching primary children English... do it in the second paragraph.

Maybe try something like:

In order to teach primary children English it was important to build a personal connection with each student, like we did with Peter. Every child was different so each one required a different approach. In many cases it took patience and perseverance but getting to know the students and helping them gain confidence in their communication skills was my favorite part of the activity.

Hope this helps!! Help me with mine please?

wow that's excellent re-structuring, thanks! I'll read through yours soon!

I think your essay would be better if you use the past tense. Now it seems a little bit awkward. What do you think?:)

hi your essay was well written but you need to state what exactly you did

This is a short answer about your extracurricular activity, so put 'I' in for the 'we's that you have! Also I agree, you need to be a little more specific about what you did. How did you get involved? What did you learn?

I don't think its required to state "exactly" what you did especially in 150 words. It's shown in my Extracurricular list after all. But, I understand what you mean and I'll try and add a bit more detail to the 2nd paragraph!

Mainly interested in how an essay like this should end though. How would I make it a more powerful ending?

Great job with the rhythmic writing here... When all those short sentences build intensity, and then you open up into these longer sentences, it is like going from Am to C major...

:-)
Is your username a reference to ender's game? I can't remember if I asked that before.