What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about.
I tried something out-of-the-box and was wondering whether it works, or is just terrible. This was originally a short essay response to an MIT prompt I plan to submit. I'm not sure how risky this is and whether I could keep the idea for future essays. Any criticism or opinion would be greatly appreciated!
Two summers ago I was sitting in my room with nothing to do, other than read a few books in my proximity or surf the internet for interesting ideas. So I decided to move a piece of paper with my mind.
At this point you may be thinking "Oh, god here we go...". In my defense, I had recently read books and articles on the wonders of the human mind beyond the current grasp of science and was truly fascinated. However, I approached my endeavor with cautious realism. First I began searching for evidence of such practice and soon bumped into an online society of like-minded people who shared their opinions on extrasensory abilities.
I carefully picked out practical information and decided to setup a personal "investigation". It consisted of some controlled variables and an improvised apparatus: a fixated needle with a small piece of paper balanced on top, free to rotate at the slightest disturbance in the air. After two weeks of systematic attempts I actually had significant results, with the funny piece of paper rotating at my will. I still remember myself daydreaming about measuring the kinetic energy of the system and the force that was applied on it.
However, summer was soon over and I abandoned my experiment for the better or worse. Nevertheless, I am still proud of the open-mindedness I tend to show when coming across various concepts, knowing that such an attitude is what allows us to progress, especially in science and engineering.
P.S this is the word limit so I couldn't elaborate much
I feel like this essay is somewhat inconclusive.
Were you actually able to get it to move it at will, or was it just a daydream. What conclusions did you draw from this?
Idea is interesting but the paper is very unclear
I see what you mean. Problem is I am at my word limit so I can't elaborate on the impact of this experience unless I cut out some of the description, which I fear will lead to further confusion. Perhaps you could give some advice on that.
As for daydreaming, I will try and replace the verb. I was referring to the further investigations I wanted to carry out. The whole experience was quite real.
In general though, If I run into a prompt with a bit more of space available for a stronger conclusion, do you think this idea could work?
Thanks!
I think the essay is good, it shows that you are curious, understand/love scientific method, understand how to apply this method to real life situation, your creativity etc. Basically a person that MIT wants. I think that it is good. Mind reading through my personality essay too?
I like the essay a lot! You hit the point of "What attribute of your personality are you most proud of" with a great example. The second part (how has it impacted your life so far) though isn't really clear to me. I only noticed one point on it " I am still proud of the open-mindedness I tend to show when coming across various concepts"
read my essay too! :)
Thanks! I did my best and added a bit to the conclusion. However, due to severe lack of space I still didn't elaborate much on the impact and I fear that if I starting cutting on the description it will make the essay even more confusing and awkward. I don't know how much more I will be able to add to this essay, unless you have any specific suggestions for shortening some of the description.
