Tell us who you are - what would your friends/family say

Hi, I'm looking for some help on my response to a college entrance essay prompt ("Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why.")
Any opinions/suggestions are much appreciated!

I remember seeing a set of human fetus specimens at a museum on a kindergarten school trip. I was inspired and went home that day announcing to my mom that I wanted to be a doctor to help bring life into this world, and working in healthcare became my dream ever since. That was a defining moment because from a young age, I knew I wanted to make a difference in others' lives and I have used it as motivation to persevere even when things got hard. To my friends, I am considerate and reliable. I may not be the loudest voice in a group, but I am always willing to listen and advocate for those around me. It was difficult leaving friends behind when we immigrated, and again when I moved to a different high school, but these events taught me to embrace being out of my comfort zone and encourage others to as well. My parents see me as independent and helpful. I am always ready to lend a hand when my mom is doing chores or when my dad is fixing the drain, but also the first person to step up and take care of them when they're sick. My teachers know me as a determined person, never settling for mediocre effort. This is evident as I have received the Diligence Award at my school for the past two years. Nominated by staff, this achievement recognizes students who are well organized, prepared, timely, hard-working, and diligent in their classes. I always put in my best, as I believe that being diligent and consistent is the key to succeeding not only in academics, but in life too.

The most common mistake that college applicants make in this presentation is that they always address the input in the first person. Be conscious of the time reference as implied in the original prompt. Whose point of view is being addressed? Tell the story from that point of view. Detach yourself. This is one time that the hearsay form of narration will be well received by the reviewers. It will show that you understand that you are not supposed to be describing how you think they view you. Rather, they need to be the ones speaking in this essay. It would be best to present this information from a past point of view. Second person pronouns would be best since these adequately address the time frame by which the essay response is based. You may use the first person pronouns only when finally connecting the "proud of" discussion to the rest of the essay. So, you cannot be the primary source of information in this essay until the last paragraph.