"Tell me what happened" - VCU Struggle Essay

Prompt: Describe a challenging situation you've faced. Briefly state the situation, how you responded and why, would you have done anything differently, has it affected or shaped who you are today?

It was about 10 pm at night and I got a call from my best friend, which usually doesn't happen. Our cellular conversations don't tend to go beyond text messages. As I quickly pressed the phone against my cheek, all I could hear were faint whimpers coming from the other end. "Taylor," I repeated her name multiple times to hopefully get her to calm down. "Tell me what happened," I pleaded to know what was happening and how my life and hers would inevitably change after I was able to understand what later proved to be heartbreaking news.

[...]

WOW! What an amazing story! I feel really bad for Taylor, though.

Don't get me wrong, but I must say that despite the fact the the story gave me chills, it kinds of get off the prompt. It seems that taylor faced a dramatically harder situation than yours. Of course is horrible to know that your best friends received a diagnosis like that. If I were you, I'd pick a different experience. Try to think of something you like and usually excel on, but you failed and how this failure led to build the person you are today. For example: supposing you love to dance, but in one of the most important presendations, you fell. Even though this was a bad experience, it fortified your character and created will to practice more. You won the next presentation.. something like that.

"What I didn't realize was how much the tragedy of the people close to you affects the people that are close to you, almost more than the person actually suffering from the tragedy." - sounds confusing

hope that helped... sorry for your friend, and sorry for the comment. I know how frustrating this may be

Lauren, you can still use this as the basis of your revision if you wish. Only instead of concentrating so much on Taylor, discuss how you reacted to the situation and how you treated at first. Remember, you need to choose a challenging situation to help this essay concentrate on you. Perhaps you went out with Taylor again after the diagnosis and you did not like what you saw. You wanted to end your friendship with her because being her friend was just too hard. Then explain the decision that you made about your friendship and if you would have changed that decision if you had to make it again. Friendships also face challenging situations, such as the case with you and Taylor, but the essay is not about Taylor. It is about you and how you handled the news of her illness. If you feel that you can present a life changing effect upon you and a profound influence of the situation upon your character, then you should go ahead and use this essay. Otherwise, I agree with Philipe about the need to change the topic and situation.

Revised copy: PLEASE HELP WITH EDITING:

It was about 10 pm at night and I got a call from my best friend, which usually doesn't happen. Our cellular conversations don't tend to go beyond text messages. As I quickly pressed the phone against my cheek, all I could hear were faint whimpers coming from the other end. "Taylor," I repeated her name multiple times to hopefully get her to calm down. "Tell me what happened," This later proved to be heartbreaking news. My best friend, since the third grade, had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. My heart ached for her and the thought of losing my best friend sent my emotions into perils of desperation. At first, I didn't know how to respond. I felt immediately affected by it and couldn't imagine what a life without my best friend would be like. I thought briefly about ending our friendship, because going through that pain would have been too hard, watching her physical state deteriorate. Our friendship was pushed to its limits more than ever before but my heart was telling me to remain supportive through this hard time. We remain extremely close and some of her symptoms are alleviating, something that I am extremely grateful for every day. Through this experience, I have become a stronger person and learned that it is important to be stay by the side of the people you love. Life could end at any moment, and it's important to cherish the moments you have now.

Lauren I revised the content to help you bring down the word count.


- It was 10 p.m. when I got an unexpected phone call from my best friend whom I normally just text with.


- All I could hear from the other end were her faint whimpers, regardless of how often I called out her name , "Taylor" in an effort to calm her down.




- ... because watching her physically deteriorate would have just been too painful for me.


I hope my suggestions help you out :-)