Tell a story from your life that developed or help you develop your character
"If you need to act like someone else when you are with your friends, forget it; you do not have any." Four years ago, I would have let these words slide. I was not the most extrovert, but I had a great deal of friends, and I had lots of fun with them. I did not act like somebody else for them to like me. Everybody in my school knew me for my outstanding grades and my benevolence... Was it all I was?
For years, I was obsessed with being liked by everyone. My need to look good with everyone on all occasions and my inability to say no forced me to do things I did not feel like doing. Unintentionally, I adopted my friend's way of thinking and behaving. I was one of those who would agree and disagree with everything so as not to cause controversy.
This necessity to get along with everyone continued in my teenage years. I reached this phase of my life without molding my personality. I had no favorite movies, and my favorite color was the same as my best friend's. I always put the needs of others ahead of mine because doing the opposite was "selfish." As a result of caring about what others thought of me, I made myself easily manipulable. The dependency on others' approval caused me a great deal of stress and anxiety, which caused me many health problems later in my life. It was only later that I realized I was not seeking self-satisfaction with all this.
Two years ago, my parents decided to enroll me in an American online school instead of the Dominican school I had been attending. Unlike other schools, I did not meet with my teachers to get an explanation of each topic or to get to know my classmates. Because there was nothing around me for eight hours except my computer, I had complete control over how much I learned and at what pace.
As a result of studying at home, I demonstrated to myself how capable I was of self-studying at an academic level and still getting high grades. My whole life changed thanks to this new experience, but it brought solitude to my life. It was difficult for me to maintain friendships with my old friends because I no longer had the chance to see them. Even when we occasionally texted, I noticed how they gradually pushed me aside. I could not handle it since I was nobody on my own; I needed other people around me to feel like myself and have fun.
In the years leading up to my admission to a university, I still had no idea what I wanted to study. In my childhood, I dreamed of becoming a writer; I wished to write so many books that people would tire of hearing my name, and even then, keep writing for pleasure. I started to doubt my writing skills after an event in my life changed my perspective on this fantasy. No matter how hard I tried, I could not find a career that gave me the same thrill I experienced while writing.
In order to change the way I live, I deleted all my social media accounts. According to my phone's statistics, I spent seventy-five percent of my time on social media. I found other forms of entertainment that did not require technology. I began to write as I used to. I emptied all my thoughts on a white sheet without order or structure, but when I finished, I felt so satisfied, as if I had been waiting to do it my entire life. It was time to read those dusty books on my bookshelf that I had not had the time to read. I learned to knit, and even when I did not finish the hat I started, it helped me to reduce my anxiety. The music I used to listen to with my friends no longer delighted me. I felt an emptiness in its depthless words as if there were no emotions. They all conveyed the same feeling, and I could not identify the originality in what they advertised as innovation. I investigated every genre until I found my style. That is how my taste goes from ragtime to glam metal and from Vivaldi to Luis Miguel.
I do not have as many friends as before. Real friends do not judge you for your way of thinking or tastes; it is not common to feel constantly judged. I no longer live to please anyone. Now I say whatever I want, whenever I want, and I am not concerned about what others might think. Putting myself first does not mean I am selfish. I have learned to say "no" when I do not want to do something because doing what everyone asks is not my responsibility. I still have fears, but these fears propel me to challenge the limits my mind imposes on me.
