"Test under pressure" - UC Prompt 2

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

With their eyes and ears fixated upon me, the two agents let me know that I could begin whenever I felt ready. The strap was burdening my left shoulder with the weight it held. My left hand became tense as I tried to stretch my fingers. My composure began to falter as I questioned whether my seven years of experience was sufficient for such a moment or if I would be lead to disaster. I closed my eyes and began to run through the lineup of attack that I had carefully prepared. Why should I back down from something I've become skilled at with relentless practice and preparation? Adrenaline then played its role and confidence began to surge throughout my body as I opened my eyes. I wrapped my left hand around the neck of the weight and started to strum the remainder of my distress away.

Once the audition was over, I stepped down from the spotlight. The talent agents thanked me and told me that they would notify me when they reach a decision in offering me a position in their music agency. I hadn't the slightest clue if they had truly enjoyed my performance or if they were utterly repulsed by it. However, I did know that my performance exceeded my own expectations as to how well I could play the guitar under such a silent and encumbering pressure. Even if I didn't impress the agents, I knew that I had impressed myself.

The audition to become a guitarist for the Korean music and entertainment corporation, SM Entertainment, wasn't like any performances that I had done before. Performing in front of an audience of only two was a much more difficult and nerve-racking feat than performing in front of hundreds of people. The agents were able to truly expose my abilities and remove the veil of security that I normally received from performing in front of a large crowd where there almost always is a large variation in judgment. It was much easier for them to meticulously analyze every aspect of my performance as their judgments were not hindered by the usual conformity to a large crowd's response. Such pressure gave me the opportunity to fortify my composure and have the confidence to force myself into the spotlight without any hesitation, where I can reveal the true extent of my capabilities to both the audience and myself.

Three months later, I received a call from SM Entertainment regarding their decision. I had no intention of permanently moving to Korea at the age of fifteen.

This is close to my final draft, so any corrections will be appreciated!

Thanks!

Maybe you want to use a dash for a "dramatic pause" :-)
for such a moment -- or if I would be lead to disaster.

I hadn't the slightest clue whether they had truly enjoyed my performance or if they were utterly repulsed by it.

Your first para has a great last sentence! However, I am a guitarist, and even I could not figure out what the heck you were talking about. Don't leave the audience in the dark for so long. Place them in the scene by using some imagery nouns in that first para -- let them see where you are right from the start. That will bring the essay into focus.