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'theatre, band, or athletics - not easy for me' - UC Prompts



saraamen 1 / -  
Oct 17, 2011   #1
Hi here is one of my UC prompt essays about an accomplishment. Please read and edit/revise for anything that would make it better. Thank you! :)

By the time my friends and classmates got high school, it seemed like a niche was already there waiting for them. Whether it was theatre, band, or athletics, these extracurriculars seemed to come easy to most; all but me. I started my freshman year clueless and academically driven, determined to focus on my studies for the next four years. I had never really been good at anything besides school work so I figured that's what I should stick to. It wasn't until a slap in face from reality that I realized I need to change my situation.

At the start of freshman year, I had hit my high point for being overweight. It was never a real concern, but by this point it had reached a red flag. I had seen three different doctors with the same dreadful prognosis: I was at risk for five diseases because of my heath condition, including diabetes. Everything started to slow down after that as I finally realized what I had been doing to my body all these years. I had tried countless diets and exercise plans but all came with the same result: nothing. As I walked through the halls one day I saw a posting for Women's Water Polo tryouts. I had never played a sport in my life but I saw an opportunity, and I went for it. A couple days later, I walked into what I later found out was "hell week", which is the first week of tryouts designed to pick out the weak and leave the strong. After swimming for nearly three hours I walked out of the pool defeated, ready to quit yet another sport like I have with everything else I've tried. However, going home that day was different as I looked in the mirror and found something I could change and have control of. I couldn't control what people said about me or did to me, but this was something that I had the power to transform. I decided to withstand the rest of tryouts and ended up making the Novice team. By the end of the season I had lost 30 pounds and won the most improved award, putting me into a healthy weight range for my age and all my prognoses went away. Sticking with Water Polo not only made me healthier, but it gave me confidence, drive, and motivation that I could apply to anything I wanted to start. I was always used to being told I can't or shouldn't do something different or new, and that I should just stick to what I'm already good at. By pushing through this barrier put up against me I was able to find qualities within me I never knew I had, because up until this point I never needed them. Even though I could only play for the school team for two years because of schedule conflicts, I never quit the sport and decided to play for club teams. Though this journey I was able to come out with two accomplishments: a discovery of my drive and persistence I was never aware of before, and a passion for a underlying talent that was there all along.

saxiibo10 3 / 6  
Oct 17, 2011   #2
By the time my friends and classmates got out of high school, it seemed like a niche was already there waiting for them. Whether it was theatre, band, or athletics, these extracurriculars seemed to be easier for me to do.
NeonGhost 5 / 20  
Oct 18, 2011   #3
You should give more details about the challenges you overcame in water polo.
you make losing 30 pounds sound easy
and i know it isn't.
make them see that


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