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'Many things to do' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality: Research



jennyness 2 / 5  
Dec 30, 2009   #1
My main question is if my response works for the prompt. It'd also be nice if you'd edit for grammar and stuff. Tear it apart. Thanks!

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Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

Staining nerves for peripherin wasn't the way I imagine spending my senior year summer, but doing research at the Oregon Health and Science University (OHSU) opened my eyes to scientific research and presented an opportunity that I am thankful for.

Everyday brought something new. Most of the time, I was staining and quantifying results of my experiment. I wanted to find out whether putting cells into different solutions of other cells, proteins, and various other important molecules, if it would encourage the expression of different types of nerves. To do this, I stained for peripherin, a neurofilament that marked a certain type of nerve.

During the times between staining, there were many things to do. Sometimes I sat for hours, wrestling to understand a research paper, the glossary of a textbook or a computer in front of me. Other times I helped other graduate students with their research; after all the staining I have done, the lab nicknamed me the peripherin queen. Less often but some of the most exciting times of interning, I am able to watch my mentor at her work, extracting dorsal root ganglia from mice or creating mouse models of atopic dermatitis.

There are many times when I feel stupid at the lab. When the professors and students use vocabulary that I don't understand, I become confused. Determined to find the answers to my questions, I reread my biology textbook to refresh my memory, look up words online, and ask my mentor if nothing else works. Every time I understand what they are saying, I get excited. I know that my learning has paid off.

During my days at OHSU, my interest in biology grew and grew. However, what I have learned is only a little part of biology. My journey is not done; it has only begun. There is still so much more to learn.

autogunny 3 / 69  
Dec 30, 2009   #2
wasn't the way I imagine

was not the way I imagined. (Get rid of contractions.)

Everyday brought something new

something new of what? Although you might mention it later, its confusing when someone reads it for the first time.

after all the staining I have done, the lab nicknamed me the peripherin queen.

after all the staining I had done, my lab jokingly nicknamed me the 'Peripherin Queen'

There are many times when I feel stupid at the lab. When the professors and students use vocabulary that I don't understand, I become confused.

There were many situations where I felt unintellectual at the lab. Sometimes, the professors and the students would communicate through vocabulary.

Determined to find the answers to my questions

Determined to understand the biology-speak, as I called it, I

Honestly? I think this topic is a little banal. I don't know what you did that was so intellectually stimulating. Maybe you found out something completely new at the lab. Right now, I think your lack of vocabulary caused you to reread the biology textbook, which you should have done in the first place before going to work at a lab. So its really confusing but you have a perfect place to talk about what you find intellectually stimulating. I would follow up on the staining nerves idea. Can you apply staining nerves to any component of daily life.. that will be pretty interesting.

Can you edit my nyu supplements.
OP jennyness 2 / 5  
Dec 31, 2009   #3
Yeah, I didn't think it answered the prompt either. It was an old recycled essay.

Anyways, please tell me if these two essays work and which version is better.
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More than 99.9% of human DNA is the same in all humans. The remaining .1 percent heavily influences the ways in which humans respond to disease, drugs and the environment. More importantly, this tiny percentage codes for physical appearance. Just .1 percent of DNA makes me look different from President Obama or Bill Gates. Such a small percentage give rise to discrimination, stereotypes, and hate crimes around the world.

Physical appearance has dictated the worth of a person for centuries. Anybody who was not white was labeled inferior by the Europeans. African Americans were made into slaves because their skin tone was black. Asians worked the railroads because their skin tone was yellow. Indians were rampaged and taken from their homes becuase their skin tone was brown. Even now, society idolizes appearances. Girls need to get thinner; guys buffer. Just look at the hype around thin models and hot celebrities.

Why let such a little percentage rule our lives? This tiny amount has caused so much conflict and strife in the world. The value of a person should not be dictated by the .1 percent that is different[them]. Instead, it should be based on the inside, where everyone is (on average) 99/9% the same.

Those ages have passed. Our environment has drastically changed. No longer do we worry about being killed by others. Judging by appearance only brings negative consequences; we misread people when we skim the surface instead of delving deep down. Having a mere .1 percent rule our lives seems silly.

------ OR ------

More than 99.9% of human DNA is the same in all humans. The remaining .1 percent heavily influences the ways in which humans respond to the environment, disease, and drugs disease, drugs, and the environment. More importantly, this tiny percentage codes for physical appearance. Just .1 percent of DNA makes me look different from President Obama or Bill Gates. Such a small percentage give rise to discrimination, stereotypes, and a large portion of hate crimes.

Physical appearance has dictated the worth of a person for centuries. Slavery was based on the color of a person's skin. Anybody who was not white was labeled inferior by the Europeans. Although African Americans gained freedom in 1860 after the Civil War, it wasn't until the Civil Rights movement in the 1900s that blacks gained some semblance of equality. Even now, society idolizes appearances. Girls need to get thinner; guys buffer. Just look at all those thin models and hot celebrities.

Why let such a little percentage rule our lives? However, through an evolutionary standpoint, judging by appearance makes sense. Our ancestors needed to make split-second decisions in a world governed by "kill or be killed." Those that could quickly come to a conclusion about whether or not to bash in the new person's head lived longer.

Those ages have passed. Our environment has drastically changed. No longer do we worry about being killed by others. Judging by appearance only brings negative consequences. We misread people when we skim the surface instead of delving deep down. Having a mere .1 percent rule our lives seems silly.


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