BU supplement: Three words that describe me (dependable, obstinate, analyst)

Hello:)
This is one of my supplements for Boston University.
Please help, suggest or criticize anything!
Thank you so much.

In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.

I am obstinate. I am dependable. I am an analyst. People tell me and I also agree that those three words are the best to describe me. I want to develop these traits at BU to become a better person. I hope my characteristics will help others and myself, and come up with a good solution for any situations. I am an obstinate, dependable analyst.

I am obstinate. I cannot give up things that I want or change my mind until I understand why I have to. I may be selfish but it also means that I trust myself. I believe that you cannot trust someone before you trust yourself. My dream is to become a business lawyer in the future. I understand it is a long difficult path to walk on but I will keep on going until the time when I realize I have to walk on a different path. I want to contribute to BU by being honest to everyone and to myself. I am an obstinate dependable analyst, who trusts myself.

I am dependable. To get depended on by people is a valuable thing. At the same time it is one of the most important things to earn. Since when I was young, I loved to be the leader of everything I do. It can be projects, sports or at the playground. I asked my friends what they wanted to play and organized their opinion into one decision. I was the Student Council President back in Middle School. I gave ideas and listened to other students on they were hoping for to make our middle school into one. I was the Captain for the volleyball team in high school. I listened to my teammates' problems and give them advices to make our team better as a team. I want to build up many skills at BU so that many people can start to depend on me. I am a dependable, obstinate analyst, who listens and respect other's opinion to make things into one.

I am an analyst. I put situations, arguments or anything into puzzling pieces and put them together little by little to get the best solution as possible. If my friend is having a difficult time with a relationship, I put myself into that person's position and tackle from the first issue. Then after tackling all the little issues, I put them together and make out one big solution. I will contribute to BU by helping others and my own problems in classrooms, dorms or outside of school. I am an obstinate, dependable analyst who wants to understand the situation carefully for secure results.

I want to use these traits to achieve my full potential by challenging every opportunity at Boston University. I consider them as good traits so why not use them? Those are the best words that describe me, and I am proud of myself. I am an obstinate, dependable analyst. This is who I am without counting my outgoing humor.

499/500

what about 'analytical' rather than 'an analyst'. an adjective would sound better.

I like that you repeat the three words that describe you at the beginning of each paragraph, but repeating them both at the beginning and end or each paragraph is overly repetitive.

This sentence is a little odd: "I understand it is a long difficult path to walk on but I will keep on going until the time when I realize I have to walk on a different path." You need a comma after "difficult to walk on" and maybe remove "the time when" because it sounds better without. Also, you sound like you are most definitely going to change your path. I am not sure this is negative, but I wanted to point it out.

When you say "I am an obstinate dependable analyst, who trusts myself" you should say "herself/himself" instead of "myself."

For this sentence: "I listened to my teammates' problems and give them advices to make our team better as a team" use "gave" not "give" to keep the tenses consistent. Also, "advices" is not a word and maybe get rid of "as a team" because "team better as a team" sounds a little awkward.

Maybe rewrite this sentence: "I am a dependable, obstinate analyst, who listens and respect other's opinion to make things into one" as "I am a dependable, obstinate analyst, who listen's TO and respects others' opinionS."

Lastly, you might not be focusing enough on the second part of the prompt. Maybe you could more fully explain how you will use these characteristics instead of why you chose these three words.

You might not agree with my comments, but I hope they helped! :)

Hi, I'm glad you found my comments helpful :D
I'm actually writing this essay too, so I know it's kind of a pain in the butt.
And I just realized I can use red to suggest things...

Overall, this is a good essay. It's organized and has concrete examples that show why these characteristics define you. I feel like I know you better after reading this. Again, some of these comments might not make sense and you don't have to use them. And thanks, helping you helped me write my own! :)