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BU three words: My dwarf name.

kldini 12 / 62  
Jan 3, 2010   #1
Prompt I: In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.

Do you think it sounds good? What is your impression of me? Also try to find any grammatical problems or anything. Thank you so much. =) I will comment back.

Four years old, I was lying in bed when my mom was teaching me to read the fairytale "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" by the Grimm brothers. I was amazed by the characters' actions of and reactions to certain events. A few months later my mom rented the movie of this fantastic fairytale; I found that in contrast of the real story, the dwarfs in the movie are named like how they act throughout the story.

Since then I have tried to find my "dwarf name." I have always been called different names because of my physical and mental characteristics: from "G├╝ero" (white kid) to "Astutin" (ingenious boy.) I have been described in an infinite number of ways by my friends, teachers, and family. But after many years I have realized that the most used by these people are...

Assertive. I am a go-getter and a confident young man; I am committed to what I do and what I think, but I hope I also seem respectful to others' decisions and open to their thoughts. My mom says I often use the phrase "I know..." in place of what most people say: "I think"; she says that I usually answer others' questions.

Creative. All my actions come wrapped with creativity; whether I am playing my guitar and composing melodic songs, talking about political issues with my family and teachers and coming with unsurpassed arguments, or just playing with my dogs and creating new games to play with them. For example, "Tus Chances" (Your Chances) is a game I created in which my dogs must run and tap six bases hidden in my garden and surrounded by obstacles and distractions like fences and toys as fast as possible in order to obtain one cookie each, but if one of them does not finish I give two cookies to the other.

Charismatic. Although I am a great leader-something I love to be-I hate to be the center of attention because people look at me different. They look at me with great enthusiasm at the time I am talking and as my parents, they want me to act in certain way sometimes is not my desire to act. But it is also pleasurable when my six-years-old cousin, Kevin, says to me "I wanna be like you" when I am tutoring him math; it not only makes me cry for joy (because I love him), but also inspires me to overcome any obstacle and succeed in anything I do.

After all I do not have a "dwarf name" because I cannot be described in one word. However, these three words describe my persona-a leader, a collaborator, and a friend-pretty well. With my assertiveness, creativity, and charisma, I have made an impact in my community and I know I will strength my colleagues' leadership, inspire them to make innovative contributions to our future community, and we all make our time at Boston University joyful.

The facts that Boston University is both a place to be and a place to act are what have motivated me to apply. Boston University offers me not only incredible and rigorous programs of study, but also the opportunity to work and excel in life during and after your education at BU; I would have both brilliant faculty to guide me through my way to succeed and the BU Bridge to admire every night.

Known as a magnet to students, Boston University is my place to be because of its diversity and opportunities; I am from Mexico and I would be another student at BU; I could major in International Relations and work in the "capital" of New England. I can aspire to not only study Spanish, the cultures that move alongside with this Romantic language or the relations between countries, but also study abroad in Spain. I believe that instructed by Boston University faculty I will transform from a multi-cultural student into a multi-cultural "doer." I want to be a terrier and presume my guitar's strings: E, A, D, G, B, E (Everyone is Eager and Desirous to Graduate from BU Each year!)

I don't know if I should eliminate the last part, what do you think? Help me as much as you can!! Thanks guys.
kkrulez3001 4 / 6  
Jan 3, 2010   #2
In contrast of the real story the dwarfs are named like how they act throughout the story. I laugh!

In contrast to the real story, the dwarfs were named like how they acted throughout the story. I laughed! the i laughed is unnecessary

characteristics; from "guero"

should be characteristics:

in infinite number of ways by my friends

in AN infinite number of ways by my friends.

I think I don't have a "dwarf name" because I cannot be described in one word. H

I do not think I have... etc.

However these describers of my persona are characteristics without which I would not be a leader, friend, son, and brother.

this entire sentence is weird.
gswaminath - / 3  
Jan 3, 2010   #3
hey! haha this essay is kinda killing me right now!!! but yea, when you talk about how you plan to contribute to the BU community... it's really general and doesn't show that you are truly interested about the school. maybe mention some specific programs you like that the school offers, like research, clubs, and other activities that will help you bring out these characteristics. and overall, you kind of just state one or two explanations as to how you can be described by each word. however, i think it may be more helpful for you to mention specific examples for each one of these words, maybe by an anecdote, or your involvement in a certain type of activity and what you learned from it. something more specific so that the admissions officers can learn more about you as a person and student. hope this helps!
poisonivy 14 / 102  
Jan 4, 2010   #4
I believe its in past since you are recurring an event that has happened in the past. Anyways, your choice. :)

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