"My time at the home"- Common App short answer

Hey there! I'm new to this forum and look forward to participating in the community. The following is my Common Application Short Answer for the prompt "Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150words or fewer)"

"You will be answerable to God!" Ms. Sood yelled. The gentle faced octogenarian was possessed of an intimidating, booming voice. "Not the best of starts", I thought. Thankfully, the yelling I endured on my first day as a volunteer this summer wasn't a woeful precursor of unsavoury things to come. Eight years ago, a school trip to a retirement home endeared me to such institutions, and as such when the opportunity arose, the choice was clear. My time volunteering with the wonderful folk at the Punjab Kesari Old Age Home taught me many things, but above all it taught me that through compassion, empathy and patience you could connect to anyone, be they 17 or 97. Someone to debate with and another to relax with. Who might open a mine of gems hitherto unknown to me?

Consequently, psychology as a career seemed the natural study to pursue.

Any comments and criticism would be greatly appreciated (Do not be afraid to be harsh!).

I really like this. It's short but answers the task very well. I think it's great how you started with a quote.

In all honesty, I can't find anything to fix. Your essay has a really good hook at the start and grammatically, it seems pretty tight.

I understand that it is horrific to have to elaborate on something with less than 150 words. You write really well! Perhaps emphasize more on why you think it is important to connect with people...it's a little vague in that sense..but then again, you only have 150 words so I understand.

Thank you for the compliments guys! I've heard from someone that it may be a bit confusing. Does the timeline seem confusing to anyone?

it starts confusing but as you read the confusion the first sentence gives turns into something literatary and interesting.
i liked it.

The word "yelled" implies anger, so the person yelling would not have a gentle face.
You can also say "possessed' instead of "was possessed of.."
Also did you volunteer at the Punjab Kesari Old Age Home this summer or 8 years ago? You switched tenses between "...choice was clear/My time volunteering..."

What was your choice that was made clear?
I think if your 'short answer" can only be 150 words, it's better to stick to the basics of how working at an Old Age Home taught you compassion, empathy and patience that made you want to be a psychologist.

I really like the description in the beginning sentences but you might want to save it for a longer essay, like the Common App Personal Essay where you can expand your thoughts a bit more.

Hope that helps ;/

Thanks for the wonderful advice and support guys!

hyphen:
The gentle-faced octogenarian was ...

Eight years ago, a school trip to a retirement home endeared me to such institutions, and as such when the opportunity to _______ _________ arose, the choice was clear.

Instead of writing "many things," you can be more specific:
...Home taught me about________ and __________, but above all it taught me that through compassion, empathy and patience you could connect to anyone, be they 17 or 97.

Incomplete sentence: Someone to debate with and another to relax with.

Great sentence: Who might open a mine of gems hitherto unknown to me?

Welcome to essayforum! I'm glad you are here. Thanks for helping the people you have been helping. :-)