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It took me a lot of years to realize that the person influencing me the most was my father. Intro.


joshuapradhan 1 / 2 1  
Nov 24, 2015   #1
Is this intro ok?

Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you and describe that influence.
A human mind is such that it continuously absorbs, seeks and shapes in accordance to its context, circumstances, and experiences. From the moment we are born, we began to see things, interact with those that care for us, lets our minds soak in all that we observe ad gradually discern who and what we like than influencing us to become a distinct individual.

It took me a lot of years to realize that the person influencing me the most was my father. He is a calm and patient person

hasdymath 11 / 25  
Nov 25, 2015   #2
hi, let me help you out ergarding your question.. you need to seperate a long sentence to be two sentence.

Everyone having had a influence significantly on you should be paid more attention deeply.
accordance of context, circumstances, and experiences from human mind continuously absorbs, seeks and shapes.
From the moment we are born, we began to see things, and interact with those that care for us.
lets our minds soak in all that we observe ad gradually discern who and what we like, than influencing us to be a distinct individual.

it requires the number of years to realize that the person influencing myself the most was my father.
He is a calm and patient person.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 25, 2015   #3
Joshua, your introduction is alright. It introduces the topic of the prompt quite well and takes a great amount of time to analyze the response that you wish to deliver. However, in being so verbose with your essay, you ended up having to place the person who influenced you in the second paragraph. That is not a good thing. The subject of your essay should be presented in the introduction along with the thesis restatement.

If I were you, I would revise the introduction to simply begin describing the kind of man my father is from the get-go. That means, I would start off the essay by describing the look my father has when is being contemplative. Adding that I recognize the look on his face because I too have the same look. Then explaining something about his character such as his drive, determination to succeed, and tenacity when it comes to solving certain situations, again, referring back to myself as sharing the same traits. The more that I can present about my commonalities with my father, the more obvious his influence in my life will be from the very start.

I believe that by revising your introduction to do just that, you will be able to establish the foundation of your father's influence in your life with the explanations about his further influence and similarities between us taking up the succeeding paragraphs that will lead up to a conclusion for the essay. Now I understand that this is only the introduction to your essay. So the way that you have it written at the moment may or may not be applicable and enhancing in terms of the rest of the essay content. Perhaps you can finish writing the essay first and then present the full essay here for our analysis? Maybe the effect of your introduction will be much different and more acceptable in such a case. We can't really tell until we read the whole essay :-)
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Nov 25, 2015   #4
Joshua, the introduction is fine but I will not say it's strong.

The prompt is asking for a figure that influenced you, I believe the best approach is not to talk about human beings in general,
start by describing your father as he is the person who influenced you the most.
His traits, words of wisdom, actions that you want to imitate and gestures that you want to
copy or do the same way. It's better to write an essay that is direct to the point and answers the prompt
right away rather than giving a whole new meaning of the word and then going back at it, save your other ideas for the next prompts that

you will have because, for sure, there will still be a lot more to come.

I hope you follow through and post not only the introduction but the entire prompt when you can.
hasbi 29 / 42 23  
Nov 27, 2015   #5
Hi..Joshua..

Here are some general pointers you can follow to write the best introduction letter the world has ever seen!

firstly, yse your identity, it means that The person or organization that asked you to write the letter did so for a reason. If you work for a software development company and a former employee has asked you to write a letter introducing them to another software company in another city where they hope to gain employment, your prospective reader will consider you an expert on the topic (unless you give them reason to think otherwise).

secondly, make the benefits of the potential relationship clear remember, that's exactly what you are doing when you write a letter of introduction. like a good salesperson won't even need to explain what their listener will get out of the product in question.

thirdly, please still stay on task, i mean only provide necessary information. and finally, make sure the introduction letter is free of errors. There's nothing worse than seeing a glaring grammatical or spelling error made by a professional in any industry.


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