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Tour d'Irene, Common App Essay: Topic of my choice. It's a bit long...



IreneZ473639 1 / -  
Jan 3, 2010   #1
Tour d'Irene

Abraham Lincoln, our sixteenth president, once said, "I like to see a man proud of the place in which he lives. I like to see a man live so that his place will be proud of him." We could all benefit from these words, especially during a time when many aspects of the world around us need to be improved.

When people ask me where I live, I proudly tell them that I am from Queens-the largest and second most populated borough in New York City. My parents immigrated here at the age of twenty-five. Their curious and dazzled eyes were enamored with the close knit and diverse communities they found in Queens, especially the Bangladeshi community. For them, it became a home away from home. It also became my home when they had me four years later.

I left my signature in red and purple crayon on the white walls of my first home, a one-bedroom apartment in Corona. Next to my signature were several miniature handprints that I left in blue paint, unbeknownst to my novice mother. I discovered my love for books as I waited for my parents to pick me up after school at the Ozone Park Queens Public Library. I read voraciously, consuming several books a month, a habit that continues even now. This love of books explains why one of the places I frequent most is the Barnes and Noble in Forest Hills, which I visit after exercising at the nearby Lucille Roberts. What pleased me more was when I found out that the Queens Public Library was awarded "Library of the Year" for being the busiest library system in the country. My parents once jokingly said that I singlehandedly made it the busiest. I was delighted when I learned that Tony Bennett, one of my most favorite singers, was born and raised in Queens as well. Queens became a part of my identity and when I learned that there was a bike tour of it, I jumped at the opportunity.

I first heard about the Tour de Queens, a leisurely paced nineteen mile bike ride, from a friend. This was an optimal way to exercise in an enjoyable atmosphere, put my brand new bike to good use, appreciate the warm weather of mid July, and explore the distinct and charming neighborhoods of the borough in which I was raised. When I told my parents that I wanted to participate in the second annual Tour de Queens, my mother could not help but skeptically laugh as my father indulgently smiled at me. I realized that their expectations were not very high and they did not believe that I could complete the entire route. I couldn't help but agree but I was driven to seek my potential.

On the morning of the bike ride, I mentally and physically prepared myself with plenty of water, stretching, and pep talks. I found my friend in the diverse crowd of bikers and together, we started the tour. The ride started with ease but as we cycled up a particularly steep and lengthy hill, the endeavor to continue became too grueling, even though we were only three miles into the tour. After some distance, my friend was too exhausted to finish and had no other options but to leave. When I found myself at the very end of the long trail of bikers, sweaty and tired, I also wanted to give up.

However, I did not. Despite my fatigue, I enjoyed every aspect of the tour so I pushed myself to keep going. Roads were blocked off by the police so that the 1,500 bikers could ride through the streets safely. As we passed by held up traffic and people who came out of their homes to watch, cars honked and people cheered their support and encouragement. The bikers chimed their bells in response and I could not help but joyfully laugh. The arduous climb up hills were worth it when I got to stand up on my bike as it rolled itself down the hills, the wind cooling off my heated face. Eventually, I stopped noticing how hot and tired I was and the rest of the ride was literally a breeze. I fell behind at times but I persevered and finished. I exceeded my parents' and my own expectations. I became friends with other bikers and got to see Queens in all its beautiful glory. I loved every minute of that bike ride, and I made plans to participate in future tours of New York City.

Although Lincoln would have approved of my love of Queens, there is much more that I can do for the benefit of my community. I recycle and never litter. I donate to those in need. However, these niceties do not come close to the large scale improvements that are necessary for the advancement of Queens. When I have the resources, God willing, I want to donate books to the same libraries that nurtured my bookish tendencies. I want to share my love of reading as it has made me more creative, my vocabulary stronger, and my imagination more vast. It is a more beneficial hobby than say, facebooking. Moreover, during the Tour de Queens, I learned that bike lanes are scant. This limits people from choosing this environmentally safe alternative. It also prevents many from leading a healthier and cheaper lifestyle. I would like to help change that and perhaps even make New York as bike-friendly as Amsterdam. I hope to be more active in taking up social causes such as these in the coming years not only for Queens, but also for my future college and the community at large.

I am proud of the place in which I live, but I have not yet lived so that my place will be proud of me. According to Abraham Lincoln, I am halfway there. Now the question is, dear reader, do you view this as a glass half empty or a glass half full?

Liebe 1 / 524  
Jan 4, 2010   #2
it is very easy for me, as a reader, to lose interest in this essay. The length itself is rather discouraging. if you yourself acknowledge that it is pretty long, then perhaps you could consider removing the redundant, cliched and boring segments of your essay.

You seem to be discussing too many topics as well. There is a discussion on Queens, the Queen's library, and the Tour de Queen.

id assume that the Tour de Queen is the central focus of your essay, which questions why you would even bother discussing the library since it has no relevance to the story.

Your essay needs to be more concise. Omit irrelevant information. if you are trying to make a link, make sure these links are well pointed out.


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