Transfer Application: Community college to VA Tech

i am leaving for the Virginia Tech

Hello!
I am applying as a transfer student to VA Tech and the prompt is "State why you wish to leave your present college and attend Virginia Tech". I am at 190 words and the limit is at 250. Any/all comments are very much appreciated:)

While NVCC has provided me with a key opportunity, I believe it was not the right choice for me. I want to attend a school which will allow me to excel both inside and outside of the classroom, and I know that VA Tech will do just that. Through my extensive research I am certain that I will reach my full potential by enrolling as a Business Information Technology major and joining clubs such as Active Minds and Animal Hope Alliance. On my last campus visit I learned how the BIT program will equip me with necessary skills in management and computer programing, skills I consider to be a very crucial part of my future career. While visiting the campus I instantly feel a part of a supportive and engaging community of friends, which is not the same as attending NVCC. I am at my best when surrounded by friends who enjoy studying and setting down academic goals for themselves and think it is time I attend somewhere I am so passionate about. I feel that I am ready to succeed in life and it starts with attending VA Tech.

Thank you!

Sahar, the most effective transfer application essay always contains a comparison of the education that you received in your previous institution to your enhanced academic interests and career objectives. Basically the strongest consideration in these instances are moments of change in academic interests or an increased educational requirement that can no longer be accommodated by your current institution. I don't get a sense of that in this essay. All I get is the idea that you think you can do better at VA Tech but you don't really explain why your current university doesn't cut it for you anymore. The prompt clearly states that you need to have valid reasons for your desire to change universities. Your response doesn't really explain that. It isn't enough that you prefer VA now over your other institution. You have to qualify your reason in acceptable terms first. These acceptable terms always go back to the sense of your current university being insufficient in terms of your overall academic and extracurricular needs. Simply feeling accepted by the VA Tech community of students is not enough reasons for them to accept your explanation as to why you want to transfer. A campus visit that you enjoyed isn't an acceptable reason either. You need to go for more educated and obviously thought out and developed reasons for your transfer reasons.