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the transfer essay (setback you have faced)


sushi bar 1 / -  
Jan 24, 2009   #1
Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?

At 11 p.m. on November 21, 2003, when my mom and younger sister hugged with each other and cried, my heart was filled up with regrets. I would never forget about that moment for the rest of my life, and I could not find any excuse for myself, that...I was totally wrong!

When I won my first lot of money in soccer betting in August of that year, the arrogant and ego me rose up gradually inside my heart. I started to believe that just using my brain to analyze, it was pretty easy for me to gain ample amount of money via betting. When the times of winning accumulated, the amount of betting became higher and higher. At that time, I had only gambling in my mind, and nothing else. Then at last, when I found I had lost all my money, I even stole money from my mom for gambling!

After my mom and my younger sister found that out, they cried for the whole night through and even had to go visiting a doctor. But, when my mom came out from the hospital and saw me there, she held me tight and said "Everyone has a time for losing himself. No matter what bad thing you have done, you are still my beloved son!" When I heard that from my mom, I could not even standstill but knelt down in front of my mom and burst into tears, speechless.

Recollection at that time, if is not family member's support and the guidance, I believed that I very difficult to support, in my innermost feelings, but however, that kind of regret cannot use the spoken language to describe. Is they hoped for me that now I did not fear said this matter to the human, because I knew that has containing in this world, undergoes this unforgettable experience, besides made my thought mature, also made me to learn to be the human to build truly, comes gradually, then more time will a place at that time in the study in me.

Just give me some suggestion, and please tell me if there is any grammar mistakes. I appreciate it.
carthikchem2002 /  
Jan 24, 2009   #2
When I won my first lot of money in soccer betting in August of that year, the arrogant and ego in me rose up gradually inside my heart. I started to believe that just using my brain to analyze, it was pretty easy for me to gain ample amount of money via betting. When the times of winning accumulated, the amount of betting became higher and higher. At that time, I had only gambling in my mind, and nothing else. Then at last, when I found I had lost all my money, I even stole money from my mom for gambling!
Angela629 9 / 86  
Jan 24, 2009   #3
Hi lam,

there are indeed some mistakes in your last paragraph. I didn't understand a lot of it, please rewrite and read it out loud before you continue, this would make it much better.

angela
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jan 24, 2009   #4
Very interesting and heartfelt topic. The grammar is rough, though, and as Angela pointed out, it gets to the point where your last paragraph is incomprehensible, making it virtually impossible for us to fix. Try revising it using very simple sentences to express yourself, then post the revised version here. We can then help you to combine the sentences to give you a better writing style, once we know what you are trying to say.


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