Why would I want to transfer from a two year Community College to a four year University?

The reason why I want to transfer to a four year University from a two year community college is because I believe that there will be many good opportunities for me to accomplish. For example, I think that if I go to a four year University, I will be more challenged. The reason why I say challenged is because a University has more challenged courses than a community college does. The ability of being challenged can get me to work harder and when I work harder, it gets me motivated to accomplish more success. I want to succeed because with success I can earn a degree, and that degree can give me an advantage to help others which is my dream. Furthermore, when I transfer to a four year college I will be surrounded with a more populated, and educated community. When going to a four year university, the community can also be part of my help by making study groups and helping one another with our courses. In Naugatuck Community College that I am currently attending has many groups, but not as many health groups that I am interested in. I am mostly interested in a memory loss group that the University of Connecticut has, and it is the Alzheimer's club. This club has meetings where members do walkathons, and raise money for the disease. The group also gets involved with peers who are personally affected by the disease. Club members ask questions and share their personal experiences and an opportunity to develop friendships with peers who are affected. I really want to be involved in a club like this because it will give me a chance to learn more about others and get educated with any health issues that they have and in what ways I can help them. Helping those who are sick brings ease to my heart. UConn not only has an Alzheimer's club, but many other health clubs that I am interested in. There are very specific clubs, for example, the auditory club, active minds, Allied health sciences club, American heart association; Autism speaks club, Collegiate Health Service Corps, and many more health clubs that I am interested in. The reason why I want to start out with the Alzheimer's club is because I've had a close family member who've experienced this disease and I know how many others in the country go through the trouble of struggling with it. I want to be that person to help relieve the pain of others through my help of raising money, conversing with the peers, and doing walkathons. Furthermore, I think that if I go to a four year college, I can be provided with abundant of advanced facilities. The facilities include nice libraries, health labs, and quiet study lounges. These are some of the main factors why I want to transfer to a four year University.

The way you start the essay is too forward. Although you do want to stick to an orthodox approach for State colleges, you shouldn't just rephrase the prompt. You could also work on your transitions.

Right now, your essay is a tad generic. It's kind of obvious that a larger university will have more challenging courses, a larger and more diverse community, more clubs, and can afford better facilities. The part you wrote about the health clubs you are interested in was good. Do more of that. What do you want to study and do as a career, and how will a four-year university help you do those things? And try to be more specific. I know it's asking about two-year and four-year colleges, but mention specific things about your community college and the University of Connecticut.