"transforming their bodies into pendulums" - Stanford short answer

Please review! Thank you!

Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

Not many students spend their lunch periods transforming their bodies into pendulums. Swing Dance Club members are a little different. We like delving into the unexplored realms of swing aerials and committing them to muscle memory. Our latest challenge was what we (appropriately) termed "The Impossible Double Judo Flip".

Picture a girl swinging her legs like a pendulum around her partner's extended arm, spinning in mid-air on his shoulder into a handstand position, not once touching the floor. She swings around a second time, rotates while flipping herself over, and lands gracefully into some Charleston. Yes. It is very, very complex.

As Co-President, I deciphered these steps by treating them like a puzzle-my partner and I combined moves until arrangements looked remotely feasible. Naturally, most of my first week was spent on the floor. By week two, we realized that decoding the flip need not involve constant purple knees and sore shoulders; we took a break and had a long talk with our Honors Physics teacher.

We discussed each step through a physics perspective. To have enough momentum for the first flip, I needed to collect force from my partner's hand, shoulder, and the floor simultaneously. I worked out how fast to swing my legs and when to curl up to have enough torque. By using these concepts and practicing daily, we had the flip mastered by the fourth week.

The process was incredibly stimulating. Physics and dance were two skills I never thought to combine-who would have thought that what you learn in the classroom is applicable on the dance floor? And yet, it was my curious, exploratory nature that fueled my adventurous dancing spirit. I can now proudly explain the physics of swing dancing while performing "The Previously-Thought-Impossible Double Judo Flip".

No idea what you are talking about, and i'm sure that the admin don't, and will not spend time picturing this in his/her head

why don't you go briefly over the details, and instead talk more about your psychology? why did you find it intellectually engaging, you covered HOW with physics and stuff, but not WHY (except when saying that you are the co-pres of dancing club, which suggests that it's a responsibility that you create new dance moves?)


ok, in your conclusion, you cover the why part, but it's a bit too late don't you think?

you kinda get too much into explaining your passion and not why, which is actually the prompt. your conclusion pretty much has 2 parts: physics+dance. but where's the physics in the intro? remember, to captivate your reader, you NEED to say everything in intro, and conclude while referring back to your intro. WE SHOULD LEARN NOTHING NEW IN YOUR INTRO that you haven't covered. MANY MANY students forget this, including me.

Oh, well... As I was half way through commenting on the fourth paragraph of your essay, I realized yang already covered pretty much everything I wanted to say.

Though this may sound trivial, I would just like to add that the possibility of explaining the physics while doing that incredibly difficult flip sounds very unlikely.


Maybe you could rephrase that somehow.

Thanks guys! :D