On January 25th 1994 at 11:15 AM, I was pulled headfirst into this world and greeted by sighing spectators and fluorescent lamps. I'll spare the graphic details so that whoever reads this will keep their lunch intact. The first nine years of my life included constant quarreling with my brother, the show Rugrats, and faint memories of summertime family barbeques. The majority of my childhood memories are shrouded in time, yet something so simple as the smell of chlorine can invoke vivid recollections of swimming in the backyard to escape the hot, dry Las Vegas air. As the memories grow more recent in my mind, reality seems to replace the pleasant and ambivalent recollections of the past. After the divorce of my parents, I found myself being introduced to my "new" mom or dad as frequently as the arrival of the seasons. This required patience and adaptation, but my youthful ignorance kept my disposition at a healthy elevation. For the most part, I remained indifferent to the turbulence that ensued between my parents; however, the constant quarreling over time began to compromise my mother's emotional stability. The prevalence of alcohol, the capricious mood swings, and the faint crying that could be hear behind the locked doors of my mother's bedroom were the first indications of troublesome times. Me and my older brother, who I share a two year age gap with, were forced to assume several of the responsibilities that had gone neglected. Tasks such as getting food, transportation to and from school, and the presence of a role model had gone ignored. These hardships began to reflect in the behavior of my brother, who began acting out in school and demonstrating his frustration and anger on others and me. At 11, he moved to Delaware to live with relatives and attain some stability and I remained in Las Vegas, alternating through various relatives' homes. As a teenager, I chose to enroll in a magnet school across town. Needless to say, a lot of my time was occupied with long bus rides and homework. My transient living situation continued as I spent the majority of my 7th and 8th grade year sleeping on the couch of the house in which my mom was renting a room from. I auditioned for The Las Vegas Academy where I attended high school. I found this school to be a very enlightening experience. The Grammy winning music department, in which I majored in percussion and Jazz studies, helped facilitate my musical interests and talents. The academic rigor and the lofty standards I set for myself helped occupy my time, while my brothers time unfortunately became occupied by addiction. His chemical dependency illustrated the juxtaposition of our lifestyles and the importance of perseverance and self-reliance. Indeed, we both still have plenty of time to learn and I am fortunate that I can ascertain important life lessons from him. I hope that pursuing a post secondary education at any of the University of California schools will help stimulate my educational aspirations and be a catalyst for a passionate life.
Your introduction definitely grabs the reader's attention and compels him or her to continue reading. I would have liked to know what your essay prompt was to get an idea of what you were being asked. Also, the last sentence of your essay sounds as if you are unsure of what you want to do vocationally and you are hoping that once you matriculate, you will make that discovery. I would have preferred that you discussed more about the life lessons you learned from your brother's unfortunate addiction and how you will carry these life lessons with you as a student at UC.
