Transition to Childhood: Encouraging Pat: "That was a really excellent presentation"

This is the first draft of essay. I'm NOT sure if it helps to understand my personality. Any help will be appreciated.

"That was a really excellent presentation. I learned so many new things from that. Thank you." a guy in his early thirties came to me and patted on my back. It was after I presented in WordCamp Nepal 2015. It was ecstatic moment. Finally I felt like I did something worthy in my life.

Late Teenage is probably the most difficult period in our human life. "We are expected to behave like adults and yet treated like child." my college friend ranted about his condition. Honestly, I didn't care about being treated or behaving like adults until that small gesture.

From early childhood, I learned to work hard. I wanted to be adult as soon as possible. Tired of limitations placed on teenagers, I wanted to be free. I wanted to own my business and travel the world. The endeavor continued. I started my own business; failed. Got up and started learning again. Down the line, I helped quite a few people to get started on their journey. Sometime it was by organizing event like Django Girls Coding Bootcamp or some other time suggesting mutual friends on how to move ahead.

Funny thing is I had already received such pats. Mostly from relatives or teachers or someone who I worked closely with for some projects. I didn't think much about that.

Finally, that pat changed everything. I helped a stranger without any expectation. Now I didn't just want to own business, make money and travel the world. I wanted to help people. I wanted to change the lives of people by bringing positive impacts. I felt that sense of pleasure by doing something without any expectation. Maybe that is when I had the transition from a teenager to adult. I was more confident of my skills. I was more than determined with new vigor and more clear picture of what I want to do.

@TechRinser
Hey. You have a nice content. I think you should elaborate a little on the failure that you have mentioned.

Tara, you are writing a transition to adulthood essay. What you wrote doesn't really qualify for this essay prompt because there is no clear evidence of the transition in a manner that is accepted either by your cultural or family traditions. You have actually just skimmed over the idea without really presenting the necessary information to help support your claims. The essay only qualifies as a transition essay when you show that you have taken responsibility for yourself, done something that showed the development of a mature mindset on your part, or simply had your parents or other elders acknowledge that you were now capable of making adult decisions. There is absolutely nothing in this essay that would qualify as such. Therefore, this essay cannot be used for this prompt. I suggest that you look at similarly themed essays in this forum and follow their example when it comes to presenting information regarding this prompt to the reviewer. You cannot just gloss over the information and hope the reviewer believes that you have actually transitioned to adulthood. You have to actually show the reviewer how that happened. You can't just tell him it happened. He needs factual evidence to prove that claim.