'my trip to Portugal' - Williams Supplement- Looking out a window...

I closed my eyes as the aircraft shook, clenching my hands to the arms of the seat with excessive strength. It was time, once again, to face my fear of flying and head to Lisbon, Portugal for a family vacation. Once we were safely in the air, I slid open the window shutter and gazed at the Boston skyline and Logan Airport that were now in the distance. I had become so familiar with the luminous John Hancock Building and the stately Prudential Building, that they had become icons of the life I had been so accustomed to. All of my life, I had considered myself to be an inhibited individual; I had always been overly cautious and worrisome when faced with everyday situations whether it be riding on an elevator or getting to school on time. The truth of the matter is that I had become a victim of my surroundings. I had for so long done all that I possibly could to shut myself off from fear that I refused to allow myself to become vulnerable to change and suffered the consequences. I yearned for the audacity to change; I knew that this trip was the ideal catalyst for doing just that.

Once we had reached the other side of the Atlantic Ocean and Lisbon was in sight, I peered out my window once more, this time looking forward to a trip that I knew I would change my life. The exotic streets and unfamiliar skyline of Lisbon were waiting for me, and I had every intention of adhering to their call.

As I prepare to finish high school and go on to college, I find myself at the same crossroads that I was during my trip to Portugal, although, this time I am much more willing to board the plane and enter the exciting unknown that Williams has to offer. I am ready for a new beginning, ready to see a new skyline.

Ok, well I am just going to assume your essay fit the prompt. Firstly, the essay was very well written. I love how you discuss your perspective on the world from your flight to lisbon. The only thing I might consier changing is the middle portion of your story. It almost feels a bit rushed from describing your fear of flying in Boston to your joy of seeing Lisbon. Its not a big deal or anything but maybe mention something about how you were feeling flying inbetween these cities. Just my 2 cents though. Overall, a very, very good paper.

I was going to say the same as above. I really like the idea of being vulnerable and opening up to new things. Well written and the concluding sentence is beautiful. However, you spent to much time talking about this trip and not enough about being vulnerable and open minded in college (specifically at Williams). You need to elaborate on this idea of going off to college or you will need to shorten the trip (middle portion). I think you should elaborate because it is more of what the colleges want to hear.

Can you please return the favor and give me critique on my personal essay? It won't take long, thanks