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"Why don't you try something your own league?" Brown best advice essay.

browngirl123 1 / 1  
Dec 24, 2009   #1
What is the best piece of advice you have received and why? BROWN

As I peeled open the letter, my heart racing, fingers trembling, my mind wandered off to the possibilities that lay in this envelope. For the past six weeks, I had been waiting for this letter that held my fate-whether or not I had been accepted to a special magnet school. Never wanting anything so badly before, I had poured my heart and soul into the application and was fully confident that with my own abilities and skills, I would make it, even if the school was one of the most prestigious. Pulling out the letter, my eyes skimmed the first few lines. "It is with regret that we are unable to offer you admission." My heart fell, tears streaming down my eyes.

Seeking comfort from my brother, I then received the most influential advice ever given to me. "Why don't you try something your own league?" My tears stopped, my head swirling around those words for the next few days. When my own brother doubted my abilities to achieve something great, I wondered what was "in my league?" I realized that only I can determine what was in my league, and it depended on how dedicated and determined I was. Instead of wallowing in self-pity over rejection, I made a resolution. To prove my brother and anyone who doubted my abilities wrong, I would become the best at everything I do. . So I started studying harder than my classmates, practicing my flute more than others, and staying hours after school ended participating in extracurricular activities even after teachers had left. Those words of discouragement encouraged me that there is nothing that I can not do as long as I am determined and never give up.

When I initially got my rejection letter, I wanted to curl up in my bed, forget about it, and just get by the next couple of years of school. But with those disparaging words, I thought that even though I may have been rejected, that does not mean that I can not rise above to achieve even greater things. When one door closes, another always opens. Even though I lost the chance to attend the magnet school, a whole other world of opportunities opened up, and with my determination, any of them is possible.

I have the ideas down, but I can't get them to flow very well. Any ideas?
rjctcollege1 2 / 10  
Dec 26, 2009   #2
any ideas to help?? please? :}
poisonivy 14 / 102  
Dec 26, 2009   #3
The introduction is good. try to keep the same flow during all the essay. In some parts it seems like you cut it short. Give more details, make it more lively. Good luck :)
srandhawa 10 / 157  
Dec 26, 2009   #4
i dont really buy your story of how just the advice of do something in your league suddenly made you wnat to be the best at everything you did and gave you more motivation. It just doesn't flow and im just trying to give you a perpsective of what like an adcom might think, im sure it did motivate you, but you got to do more to show this. This is the key to your advice, how the advice changed you, just saying it made you want to be the best and made you practice harder isn't cutting it. Also, keep in mind how many thousands of essays Brown's going to get on how a little advice convinced them to try their best and want to be the best, i know its kind of hard, but try to expand on this advice in a diff. unique, memorable way to the adcom. Good luck, mind reading my common app essay if you get a chance. thanks alot

Home / Undergraduate / "Why don't you try something your own league?" Brown best advice essay.