" Tutoring afforded me the compassion"; Extracurricular Activity - Peer Tutoring

Is this a good approach? Or should I talk more about what I did?

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

I heard a bustle of laughter from a group next to me. "What's so funny?" I asked with an anticipatory smile. They showed me a paper left by another student. Every word in the paper was mispelled and grammer usage was virtually nonexistent. The smile quikly disappeared from my face. Tutoring afforded me the compassion that was so evidently missing in my peers.

As a freshman, I can remember trying to teach a senior the concept of negative numbers. At first I was appalled that a senior couldn't grasp something I learned in sixth grade. But as time progressed, I began to understand. Kids like Jeff, whose illiterate parents never taught him to read, gave me a deeper lesson about life and compassion then I could have ever given them.

Thus, as I looked at that paper I didn't want to laugh at all. If anything I could have cried.

Peer-tutoring has probably had the biggest effect on me, but it was kind of heard to convey that in 150 words. I'm also really invovled in my school so there are plenty of things I could write about, if you think I should toss this. Any advice is greatly appreciated! Thank You!!!

Good subject!

Thus, as I looked at that paper, I didn't want to laugh at all, if anything I could have cried. <--- Too many commas makes this sentence complicated. I don't think thus is the right word here. maybe you can make "If anything I could have cried" a separate sentence.

Although I was supposed to be teaching them, kids like Jeff who's illiterate parents couldn't teach him how to read or Carina who couldn't find time for biology homework because her mom was terminally ill, taught me more than they could have imagined. <--- What did they teach you? Maybe you can go back to the subject of the compassion you gained from tutoring. This sentence is kind of long and awkward.

Also, who's is supposed to be whose. I'm really not sure though.

Also, The smile quickly disappeared off my face. But you probably already got that.

Just my two cents. Good luck!