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"two raccoons" - Common App Essay about Nature - Experience that impacted me



kqiu 1 / -  
Nov 15, 2010   #1
Any editing or advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

Only specks of sunlight make it through the canopy of trees. The wind gently blows my hair and I hear leaves rustling. A couple of neglected raindrops from the recent shower fall onto my shoulder. I hear a medley of birds chirp to one another. This is my private "Appalachian trails" complete with 7 golden beaches and a creek full of sharks teeth. Located just minutes away from my backyard, this simple nature walk has become my own little world. Okay, so maybe the water's a little murky, and yes, I occasionally hear the thumping of an extra loud stereo as cars speed by in the distance, but that doesn't matter. Whenever I'm feeling frustration, or just want a pretty place to think, I take the well-worn trail into the forest.

As I feel the cool creek water flow in between my toes and my hand sifts through the sand, I am content, my frustration evaporates, and my mind becomes open to all the ideas floating in air. I watch the water's constant, rhythmic flow downstream. The dead branches and logs in its path do not stop it, and it moves along faithfully towards its next destination. While I used to come here solely for the peaceful atmosphere, now I fully appreciate the nature and all its inhabitants that surround me.

I was especially fascinated by the wide array of butterflies I saw. Ubiquitous in the forest, everywhere I would go their striking patterns stood out to me. Alas, they always flew away before I could take a closer look. I was able to broaden my knowledge on butterflies when I got a job at the MgGuire center for Lepidoptera and Biodiversity at the University of Florida working as a technical research assistant. There, I able to study butterflies from the lush tropics of the South American county rainforests to the cold mountains of Europe. I learned to identify the different species and now I am able to name some of the butterflies I see fluttering in the forest.

Living in Florida, our state experiences its fair share of hurricanes. Some of them are mild, but others are quite destructive. During hurricane season, there are often maintenance workers on the road fixing stoplights and clearing up tree branches. However, when I go into the forest, I see a different type of rebuilding. No matter how bad the storm and the trees that fall, the forest always manages to come back bigger and more diverse than before. When I watch the forest's slow and steady growth, I am reminded that every set back is just another opportunity for me to grow as a person.

I am also entranced by the diversity of the forest. Much like the forest, I have a wide range of academic interests that always seem to expand. From mathematics to history, I am passionate about learning just about everything. For me, the perfection of numerical calculations is as fascinating as words on a page that are used to express anything you want them to. While in mathematics I can reach the goal of finding the right answer, I am equally satisfied when I think about areas that are up for interpretation. There are so many different subjects around me and I see no reason not to explore them all.

When I was a child, two raccoons would emerge from the forest and play in my backyard swimming pool as soon as it got dark outside. While my parents were intent on chasing them away, I eagerly watched them splash around and laughed in delight. I have always been curious about the vast world around me, and nature is just one of the places that have impacted my life in the most fulfilling way.

amazingA 8 / 35  
Nov 19, 2010   #2
"Whenever I'm feeling frustration" ---> Whenever I feel frustrated (To agree with the other verb tense in the sentence
"There, I able to study" ---> There, I was able to study...

The essay loses its focus when you talk about your interest in the wide range of subjects that you are interested in. Try to revise that paragraph. Other than that, I like your essay
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 26, 2010   #3
This is a great piece of writing, and I think the location you describe must be very cool!

Here, various is a good word:
I learned to identify the different various species, and now I

...and I see no reason not to explore them all.---You really did an excellent job of describing the appreciation for all types of learning. I would suggest writing about something specific instead of about nothing in particular, but you wrote it in such a nice way that I think it is quite impressive! Still, I hope we can establish a main theme for the whole essay, a theme that will be memorable for the reader.

I think you have a uniquely entrancing writing style, but it will be better if you write about a particular interest associated with your ACTION PLAN for college. Even though you love all subjects, what is particularly important for your career plan?

:-)


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