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"I'm not a type of guy" - Common application



pauleta_06 2 / 2  
Jan 15, 2011   #1
Hi everybody ! i already submitted this essay but i would want to hear your points of view about it if possible ! Thank you ! (it is passionate, just begin the reading it will lead you to its end :D)

I have always known I have something different from others. During my whole life, I have never felt like I represented a "type of guy", a "topos". But that thing that has made me different, I need to express as a quality, not a way to show off.

During my childhood, teachers always considered me as an excellent pupil, and I used to have special relationships with them as if we had an agreement that had to urge me to show my abilities.

But once in junior high school, I did not feel I was needed. There were so many students there that teachers did not remember my name while however I was the teachers focus during elementary school. That was hard at first, but I got used to it even though my scores were not as good as I knew they could be. I was not a bad student, but even if i had good marks, I was not satisfied with it.

The turning point of my schooling was in my 10th grade, when I began "Economics and social studies*" courses. For the first time since elementary school, I felt that my abilities could finally be expressed thanks to Mr Hervieux, my "E and SS*" teacher. He made me understand that I did not have to wait for recognition from teachers. Knowing that I had the "thing" that made me different from others, he encouraged me and I renewed that special relation with teachers again. But I was more mature this time. My childhood experience with teachers helped me not to repeat the same mistakes. I sometimes used to stay with him after the courses, and talk about everything, and nothing: the objective was not to make me feel comfortable or become friends but we both knew what it was about without saying it, we both knew that the "thing" I had hidden for so long; it was time to reveal it. Even if my scores were not always the best in his courses, the real objective was accomplished. I was mature enough to understand the mechanisms of this world. He gave me the self-confidence that I needed. Since then, my level has increased and I definitely know that whatever I have to do, I had to do it for myself, not to have someone's recognition. Now, I focus on my abilities, always trying to do the best and to reach the top.

Outside school, I have learnt to be more understanding and open-minded, considering that anyone can undergo the same experience. Even if I know that i will not always receive a reward, I set the objective to succeed in everything I would start. I am aware now that there is one singular rule that is simple, and has always existed: this world does not give you what you deserve; it gives you what you fight for. Based on this rule, I fought for everything i wanted, mainly success. To my point of view, there is nothing more worthy of the merit of somebody than his success. And by success I do not mean money or school reports. Of course they are include it, but for me success means doing what you love to do, and being good at it and what I love to do, is to succeed at school. Like if a take a revenge for all these years of contempt. But now it's up to you to decide if I have succeeded or not, according to you, even though I know deep inside that I am doing great things, which are not measured by my results, but by my personality. And I hope that one day my experience will become true, so I could give all I have and all I learnt to people that may need something I have.

Mr Hervieux did not change my abilities; my brain and my soul stayed the same. But what changed is my view of this world. Finally I understand that what I have is for me an opportunity to raise myself to a level I have not thought I can reach. I hope you will see this essay beyond the pretentious words I use to see in it a promise of full implication in my studies and great unselfish ambitions that I hope to realize one day.

mustu5 1 / 3  
Jan 15, 2011   #2
Hey dude, it's quite nice, coming from deep within you know :) Some grammar/phrasing errors here and there though. But the important thing is that you display how you faced a difficulty and how you improved, and you did that. Good stuff!
braiden992 - / 18  
Jan 15, 2011   #3
Well, so much of the essay was built around you being different, special, or possessing abilities, but you never define what it is...moreover, special relationships with your teachers is kind of a creepy phrase, especially because we never learn about your gift. I am left with more questions than answers...maybe others will see it differently.
OP pauleta_06 2 / 2  
Jan 15, 2011   #4
Braiden you are right i am vague about my spiderman abilities :D I should have added it before but its still acceptable i think ^^
EF_Susan - / 2310  
Jan 24, 2011   #5
But that thing that has made me different, I need to express as a quality, not a way to show off.---this sentence is not necessary. You can show the reader what you mean instead of telling. this sentence should not end the first paragraph. The sentence at the end of the first paragraph should express the message of the whole essay.

During my childhood, teachers always considered me as an excellent pupil, and

Capitalize every word of the class title:" when I began "Economics and Social Studies*" courses.

Outside school, I have learnt to be more understanding and open-minded, considering that anyone can undergo the same experience. ---This is where I become very interested. I wish you would express all the stuff that comes before this in only 2 or 3 sentences. That way, you can have the focus of the essay be on the change that occurred for you. You don't have to include all the details, like the teacher's name, etc. The reader does not need to know which grade you were in when changes happened. The reader needs to be taken through sentences that express a really excellent, interesting theme.

Even if I know that i will not always receive a reward, I set the objective to succeed in everything I would start. This is a little too simple and obvious, I think. Dig deeper for a unique theme.

I really like that last paragraph. I just think you can cut some unnecessary details and leave only the excellent, interesting sentences.
saunders73 2 / 3  
Jan 24, 2011   #6
The last paragraph is really strong, It feels your writing is very genuine, and perhaps a lot of people will be able to relate to this.


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