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UBC Personal profile "Tell us about who you are" & "What is important you? and why?

Premal 1 / -  
Jan 14, 2018   #1
Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

i'm very passionate about weight training

I am a very goal oriented person, Since the age of 14 when I first got introduced into weight training I have been very passionate about it. My goal is to one day compete in the BCPA. People in the community would describe me as a supportive person. I have tried to help people in our school feel more welcomed by founding a feminism club. Also in our schools Junior Achievement programs, I am one of the few members who have participated for multiple years, therefore I act as a mentor and teach newer members about how to run a business. I also push a lot of people to do their very best physically, I have been my brothers "Personal trainer" he was diagnosed with autism at a young age and to watch him grow not only physically but mentally has inspired me to work my hardest to achieve my goals every day in order to one day help support him. I also help push people in our schools "Code Blue" program which is basic police training, this has taught me discipline and self-control. I use this to create more of a team environment, I use this as my new team after quitting playing soccer for Coastal FC. People would also describe me as very social and adventurous. In December of 2011 I participated in something called "CISV" (Children's international social village) there were 4 representatives selected from 11 different countries (2 boys, 2 girls) to go and educate people more about their country, I traveled to Thailand where I stayed in a camp with people I had never met before for 5 weeks and taught them all about Canadian culture & learned about different cultures.

What is important to you? And why? (maximum 250 words)

For this i'm not too sure what to write any ideas?
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,684 4115  
Jan 14, 2018   #2
Your response to the essay is off the mark. This is not about what you are passionate about but rather, how other people see you. How do they define you as a person? Why do they consider you a child, friend, or community member of note or good standing? You will need to go out and interview your parents about how they see you as a child. What are your strengths and weaknesses as a child of the family? Why do they support you in all your dreams and ambitions? As for your friends, you have to consider interviewing your best friend about why you likes you as a person and what kind of friend you are / what friendship the two of you have. Don't forget to include some information from a place where you spend some time doing volunteer services. That will definitely help your application. We have a one essay per thread policy at this forum so I am sad to tell you that I cannot help you with the other essay question. You have to post that as a separate thread. Don't just post the question and tell us you are at a loss about what to write. Write something so we can help you direct the essay in the correct manner. We need to know how you plan to respond to the essay so that we can tell you if you will be doing it right or wrong.
agustina 1 / 2  
Jan 17, 2018   #3
hai Premal, let's improve together....
here I find some gramatical errors

let me show you
1. My goal is to one day ... verb after "be" can not be followed by "to" just say My goal is one day compete in the BCPA

2. my hardest just omitting my directly say hardest
3. 4 representatives selected from 11...... were selected because the pattern of passive voice

mostly I still get confused because less of punctuation and difficult to understand

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