I would much appreciate any help with my Essays.
Thank you!
UCF Essay Prompts;
1.If there has been some obstacle or 'bump in the road' in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
2.How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are today?
1. Leaving my native country, England, to migrate to the United States was definitely an obstacle that would change me as a person. My parents had planned for me to migrate to the "Land of dreams" to experience a better way of life than one offered in Great Britain. One of the opportunities my parents wanted me to have was to receive an education in the American Collegiate educational system that will be beneficial to my future as an adult. I will be the first generation in my family to attend College, let alone an American College.
I had assumed leaving my family and childhood friends would be difficult but in fact, it has been the most agonizing thing I have done in all my life. I remember my Mothers face as I waved goodbye through the crowded lines of travelers and made my way to the British Airways Airport gate...
Nevertheless, these obstacles have forced me to grow into a better person. I have evolved into a hardworking, mature young woman as I have progressed academically and courageously. Not only have I had to adjust to a very different society, I also had to grow as a spirit in order to avoid being feeble and losing all willpower for success. Many times I have thought to return to England because I was so emotionally drained, but I knew that I would disappoint myself and my parents, who have put so much effort into giving me the opportunities I have today.
2.Whether it is school work or competing with my friends in a race, I have always been known to enthusiastically work to my full potential. I owe this all to my family. Born and raised in England, I grew up in a Caribbean household. My Mother, who was raised in Antigua, had to work from a young age in her native Island executing agricultural labor such as herding cows and fetching water from the local well every morning. My Father, bought up in Jamaica, had to act out similar agricultural duties such as harvesting crops to provide food for the family.
For this and other reasons, I can say my parents have always been the perfect role models throughout my childhood showing me what it is to be a hardworking person. They taught me and my siblings that if you want something, you have to work for it; that saying has always stuck with me as I progressed through life.
My family also taught me that you should always have respect for others and to be polite, as well as to always stand up for what you believe in. My family's strong cultural background has constantly played a role in my self values and beliefs, as well as my determined passion to be diligent to gain success.
Growing up in a family full of passionate, persevering individuals has definitely inspired me to work to my full ability and inject everything I have into my efforts.
One of the opportunities my parents wanted me to have was to receive an education in the American Collegiate educational system that will be beneficial to my future as an adult throughout my life.
Well... your parents are real heroes, because this is such a meaningful goal.
Don't use unnecessary words:
Leaving my native country England to migrate to the...
Unnecessary words suck the life out of an essay.
move this comma:
...would be difficult, but in fact it has been the most ...
use commas when you list things:
Whether it is school, work, or competing with my friends in a race, I have always been known to enthusiastically work to my full potential.---- or maybe you meant:
Whether it is schoolwork or competing with my friends in a race, I have always been known to enthusiastically work to my full potential.
... but anyway, I think this is a bad beginning. How about replacing that first sentence with one about an example of a time when you "worked to your full potential." It is meaningless to assert something so general... better to sow them, and let them draw the conclusion that you do indeed work to your potential.
:-)
