This is my first attempt for the UChicago prompt: How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.
During my childhood, I devotedly perused the seven volumes of Harry Potter. As I immersed myself in the black print that disclosed the adventures of the wizard boy, I imagined myself walking down the warm halls of Hogwarts and dining in the Great Hall with other gifted minds. Instead of lying tucked under my covers, accompanied by a single light, I cast spells and followed the three friends on their antics. I dreamed of attending a school that was not just an educational institution for broadening the knowledge of its students, but also a home that united the students as a family. When I stepped onto the UChicago campus for a visit, I knew I had found my Hogwarts.
The gothic architecture cast a spell on me as I followed other prospective students around campus. I soon discovered that the buildings were not the only aspects of the campus that mirrored Hogwart's structure. The idea of a "pre-packaged" group of friends, just like the Houses in the institution from the magical world, made me feel welcome. As I befriended several students, I discovered how much I enjoyed their queer, witty personalities, which stood out from students I had encountered during my quest at other colleges. Their stories about the "Math Pirate" and disagreements about the myth that "fun comes to die" at UChicago cast a greater spell on me. The exemplary Department of Anthropology and the infamous Core attracted me to the school even more. I cannot break out of this spell; I know that my place next year is among the driven, passionate students of Hogwarts' replica in the Muggle world.
"Hogwarts in the Muggle world" really got my attention, your idea is really nice.
I don't see any problem with yours(unlike mine, tons of problems) except "During my childhood" and
Their stories about the "Math Pirate" and disagreements about the myth that "fun comes to die" at UChicago cast a greater spell on me.
1) I don't think teen years could be consider childhood but I don't know.
2) I don't see how that sentence relates to the previous sentence.
Firstly, this is a beautifully written paper. The intro is very effective; the image of a young girl reading late at night is not only a wonderful opening image, but shows your intelligence, creativity, and thirst for knowledge. Your eagerness to learn is what brought you to UChicago your Freshman year. Your mention of the "exemplary Department of Anthropology" tells the reader more of who you are now. One could infer that you will obtain a degree in Anthropology and travel all over the world, not just in books! (Not that there is anything wrong with the latter.) The line, "I cannot break out of this spell" is a good clencher. It informs us of your intention to finish out your degree at UChicago.
As I am unfamiliar with the assignment, this next suggestion might bring the essay over a specified word count. In order to make UChicago more alive to the reader, try to add sensory detail. Is there a specific smell you remember from your first visit, maybe one that was comforting or passion-filled? Also, try adding taste, touch, or sounds. Sight is covered well by the castle analogy, as many people are familiar with the image of Hogwarts. This helps to relate a place that may not be very well known to people (UChicago) with one that is quite recognizable, Hogwarts. The second paragraph borders on essay-speak. The addition of description will help with this. Can you add a larger context ripple? This could be conveyed through further information of your future after university or the school on a more global scale.
Overall, a wonderful essay. Thank you for sharing it!
can you read my essay
I chose to make up my own questions and I had no idea if I wrote something make sense at all lol.
I kind tied it somehow to how did you get caught prompt.
Angelica,
Your writing displays what seems to be a natural penchant for creativity, even when addressing the normally mundane question of why one would like to attend a particular college. Great job and all the best in your quest for admissions. By the way, I'm working on a transfer app to Chicago for next fall as well and was wondering if you might have some time to peruse it. I'm debating whether I should use an original version or a pseudo-poem version that I have up on this website. Would like some criticism if possible. Hopefully, you won't have to leave Hogwarts by doing so. Thanks!
any suggestions? i feel that there is a lot of editing i should do!
During my childhood, I devotedly perused the seven volumes of Harry Potter. ----> "peruse" means to casually flip through something, reading leisurely. I think it does not go with the word "devotedly," because it implies such casualness.
...and followed the three friends on their adventures... or... the three friends throughout their advantures and antics (on their antics does not make sense...).
I think this is a nice approach, but it is essential that you choose a field you are interested in -- even if you are not sure it will be what you make a career in -- and compare it to wizardry.
