Please leave any constructive criticism. Thanks!
Prompt:The late-eighteenth-century popular philosopher and cultural critic George Lichtenberg wrote, "Just as we outgrow a pair of trousers, we outgrow acquaintances, libraries, principles, etc. . . . at times before they're worn out and at times - and this is worst of all - before we have new ones." Write an essay about something you have outgrown, perhaps before you had a replacement - a friend, a political philosophy, a favorite author, or anything that has had an influence on you. What, if anything, has taken its place?
Moving is perhaps every kid's worst nightmare. It is a time where you must leave behind all of your friends and the life you have made for yourself and settle in a new foreign place. The bad news came at the end of 5th grade when my parents told me we would be picking up our suburban home and moving to New York City.
My first impressions of city life were far from pleasant. I missed the open green lawns, and the fresh air. Most of all, I missed the little things, the hellos you would get from strangers on the street, and cars stopping for me when I would run across the street. In the city, I was surrounded by concrete in every direction. The people on the street were far too busy and in a rush to notice you. The cars honked at you if you tried to cross the street at the wrong time and on those rainy days, would drive over that puddle of water next to you to soak you in dirty street water. My new school did not have a grassy sports field, instead the school yard was just a concrete space surrounded by metal fencing. I told myself that I would never adjust to life in the city.
When I look back however, I really believe that moving to New York City played a pivotal role in my growth and maturation. I was exposed to much more of the world in the city than I would have ever had in the suburb that I lived in. In the city, instead of the homogenous upper-middle class students in the suburb, I went to school with people of all ethnic, religious, and economic backgrounds. I addition, I feel that I was granted a level of freedom and independence that no suburban kid could have enjoyed at such a young age. In the suburbs, the right to go wherever one wished came with one's driver's license. At the young age 11 however, I had the vast public transportation network of the MTA at my disposal. I believe that growing up in the city has made me who I am and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything else.
It's a little cliche. "I moved, got used to the new place eventually, after discovering it was different."
It's not a very compelling. Try to dig deeper in its meaning to you, rather than ending with how the public transportation was beneficial to you.
Make the reader connect with your deeper thoughts and feelings.
"My new school did not have a grassy sports field.I nstead the school yard was just a concrete space surrounded by metal fencing."
"In addition,..."
"At the young age of 11 however..."
In the end, you say that moving to the city has "made you who you are". I think you should expand more about HOW the city CHANGED you. You did well at stating the differences between the city and the suburbs, but you should say more about what that meant to you.
Also, go back and read the prompr really carefully, and make sure you answered EVERYTHING that it asks for.
Other than that, your essay was really great! Hope this helps! Good luck! =D
can you read my essay for Rice please?
