Please write an essay (250 words minimum) on a topic of your choice or on one of the options listed below. This personal essay helps us to become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself.- A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
The night was cold and the monkeys had quieted down when I went to sit around the fire. I could hear the roar of the Nile River churning in the distance and the sound of African music in the streets. The embers burned softly and emitted an eerie red glow upon the face of the man sitting on the other side of the fire. We sat in silence staring into the transient flames when I finally asked him what was on my mind, "What was life as a child soldier like?" He sat there silent for a long time. I could read on his anguished face the pain of a life of suffering and death. "Terrible things, terrible things," was all he said. I later learned that he was stolen from his home in northern Uganda as a child to fight for the Lord's Resistance Army and finally escaped in 1986 at the age of twelve. As a child soldier, he had worked along the road at checkpoints demanding payment in return for safe passage. Not everyone passed. He is now the night guard at the Eden Rock campsite at Bujugali Falls, Uganda.
We sat there quietly until he finally looked up and asked me, "Why do you get education if you are already rich?" I thought about his question for a long time until I finally responded, "For me, education is not about money, power, or social standing. It is learning about the world I live in and the lives of others. That is education. I am learning right now." He sat there quietly and then slowly his scarred face broke into a smile.
We talked well into the night and learned about how vastly different our two lives are. Yet here we were talking, laughing, and even crying together. That night I not only learned about Mr. John, I learned about myself. I learned that I am someone who, like Mr. John, will always be separate from mainstream society, in touch with the deeper aspects of human nature and the world. I have been fortunate to live a different life from the average American, and I can talk with a former Ugandan child soldier just as easily as with any teenager back home. In the extensive travels I've taken in my life throughout the world, I've seen enough to know that there is more to life than power and money. What I value most of all is wisdom, happiness and a deeper understanding of the cumulative events that make up the fabric of the world that effects all people. I deeply wish to continue to expand my knowledge and experiences in college so that I can truly give back in a meaningful way and make a difference in the lives of others.
I think by is a better preposition here than around:
The night was cold, and the monkeys had quieted down when I went to sit around by the fire. --I added a comma, too!
This part is unclear: We sat in silence staring into the transient flames when I finally asked him what was on my mind
I want to change it like this:
We sat in silence staring into the transient flames when I finally asked him the question that had been on my mind...
It is really confusing that you did not say who he was in the beginning of the essay. I think it will be better to tell who he is at the outset. I was thinking it was your father...
Anyway, this is a very strong essay! It really captured my attention. Right here, though, I advise you to sharpen it up.--> to expand my knowledge and experiences in college so that I can truly give back in a meaningful way and make a difference in the lives of others.----This needs to say something very specific about what you want to do. It should not be vague; it should state a real goal that the reader will find interesting.
:-)
