Essay Prompt: Discuss an issue of local concern. Why is this issue important to you? How do you think it should be addressed?
"The last person to get across [name of city] in under three hours was yelling "The British are coming! The British are coming!" − Lewis Black. Why is it that Paul Revere had to be the last person to travel through a large city with ease? Living in New York City (NYC) can be an incredible hassle when it comes to traveling; especially with the way NYC has been handling public transportation, including buses and trains. Buses are now subject to much traffic and trains are usually filled to capacity − it literally looks like people are vacuum sealed into a metal box. Congestion has many affects on people's everyday lives: I lose sleep on a regular basis to take an early train to arrive to locations on time, and taking a bus can feel overwhelming because you will probably be standing for a forty five minute period with many people crowding around you.
Once upon a time you could enter a train that was closing its doors and they would reopen to avoid causing you harm. However, trains no longer have that feature and doors will not reopen even if you are half way through the door. Clearly, this is hazardous because people may get harmed as they walk in. However this is the "solution" that NYC has presented to keep schedules. Instead, they should allow officers to give fines to people who obstruct the closing of doors. Although this may seem extreme, it would allow people to slow down and think before they damage the schedule or cause themselves injuries; plus, it would increase government funding, which, in turn, could be used to fund public transportation.
As for buses, NYC should simply add more bus lines to the city. Instead, they are currently funding to make buses longer. Although this may seem like a good idea, longer buses disrupt the general traffic, as buses are already too long, and when these longer buses make turns, it becomes a hazard to people walking in the street and to cars waiting on intersections.
It isn't all bad though. The newest form of public transportation is called "dollar vans." They are vans that cost two dollars and only allow 9 people inside. This is great because they never get too crowded, and there seem to be plenty on the street. I'm hoping NYC funds these vehicles to avoid adding more buses.
If worse comes to worst, we could all just mount our horses and follow Paul Revere's example. As of now, changes are being made, but whether or not they are beneficial is another subject matter, for example, forcing doors to close on people isn't exactly the safest way to keep schedules. Needless to say, congestion may always be a problem in NYC, but hopefully someday we can stop packing people into tuna cans − I mean trains − and start organizing a better, safer, and more comfortable traveling system.
Who knows? Maybe it could be my job one day.
I want your general opinion please, and of course if you spot grammatical errors, please report them. :)
Thank you!
You might want to focus more specifically on either public or private transportation. At the moment you sort of keep going back and forth between both. Solving traffic congestion and preventing train congestion are not the same problem, and any attempts to fix one are likely to worsen the others. That is, if you try and relieve traffic congestion by encouraging people to take public transit, then trains will get even more crowded, and if you convince fewer people to take public transit, road traffic will increase. You could propose additional funding for public transit as a solution to traffic congestion, though, and you might also want to mention the idea of walking or biking as alternatives to driving. Really, in most cities, there is no reason to use a car within the downtown core.
In the beginning, in the quote, you are allowed to promote clarity by using brackets:
"The last person to get across [name of city] in under three hours...
When you quote somebody, it is okay to use brackets to show that you are changing words for clarity.
At the end, I wish you would use some specific examples of changes that are being made but that may or may not be beneficial. That would make the last paragraph much stronger...
This is a cool essay; I like the Paul Revere Luis Black theme!
Thanks guys, great advice. I decided to only talk about public transportation because, I agree with Sean that I don't seem to focus on either. So I changed quite a bit, and added a little more.
Thank you to anyone who helps me. I have to submit this soon, so if no changes, I may send it as is.
The number agreement is nicer if you change like this: The newest means of public transportation consists of "dollar vans."
Awesome! This is improved, complex, interesting. I like it!!
wow this is a great essay. its real interesting. good luck in getting into u of m. im trying too :)
Very good essay!! You explained the prompt thoroughly and you clearly defined the local concern of buses needing to be changed in its funding and service. Hope all goes well...
