Is it boring or too long winded?
Do you think I effectively answered the essay prompt?
Any other feedback and improvements are greatly appreciated.
Comment and I'll comment back, Thank you in advance!!
4.Tell us about a project in which you had to collaborate with your peers. How did it go?
Containing all my patience and using all the self-control I could fathom I refrained from screaming at my peers. How could they not see the simple logic I was trying to convey? The frustration inside me was evident, radiating out of my body through my quick raised voice. We had been here for almost an hour first discussing, then arguing, about the situation we were in. It was almost dark and the problem was still not solved. Why don't we just try? I snapped. It's almost dark, and by the time we finish deciding what to do we could be out of this mess. Although the whole Duke of Edinburgh Gold group sensed the urgency, as a group, we could not all agree on a solution.
The gold level was the highest level in the Duke of Edinburgh- an award for youths aged 14-25 who must complete 6months of a service, action, and creative activity. The last component to the award was a 4 day self planned hiking trip. With half a tent, my sleeping bag, sleeping mat, four days worth of food, fuel, water, cooking utensils and other essential items strapped onto my back, I began the journey with excitement, hope?, and nervousness. Our group of seven struggled through the first two days, but the third was the most demanding yet, both physically and mentally. We were lost by a stream with no visible solution. Up or down the stream? Up would mean potential cell phone reception but if there was none, we would have to eventually turn down. Going down meant eventually getting to the base of the mountain- it was faster but significantly more dangerous.
Not only was it getting dark, but what we saw along the stream scared us. Along the stream were piles of bones neatly stacked on top of each other. Right next to that was a pile of fur, and further up a deer skull. Coming from the city, none of us had ever seen such a sight and two of the girls started crying. We were all scared. What were we going to do? With no adults supervising us, no one knew where we were. It was up to us to decide what to do, and perhaps it was this thought that made me feel responsible. I put forth both arguments and took on the role of a "leader". By listening to each person's point of view, we finally came to an agreement to wait at where we were whilst the three of the fastest, strongest of us took all our cell phones and ascended the steep, slippery rocks. I stayed behind decided to set up tents and make hot drinks whilst we waited incase it became dark when they came back.
The fear and worry that I felt was a new experience to me. It was mentally exhausting to choose how to proceed when so many people disagreed and refused to cooperate on the options presented. Yet it had to be done. I am glad for the experience yet I never what to repeat what happened that trip.
The frustration inside me was evident, radiating out of my body through my quickquickly raised voice.
I am glad for the experience yet I never whatwant to repeat what happened that trip.
I like this. It's certainly not a conventional group project. I have never heard of anything like this before.
Did you purposely leave out what happened if/when they came back? You build up suspense and I wanted to know what happened next.
I only have 500 words, I would very much like to continue and explain, but then I would have to cut out a lot of detail as there is not enough space. Then it wouldn't be as effective...
What do you think?
Like the comments above, your essay is very interesting and not borng at all. However, you mention that you became a "leader", but you don't seem to elaborate on it. Give examples of what you did as a leader. Also, I added the prompt so if you could take a look at it, I'd appreciate it. Thanks.
UNC doesn't count words. You could write more. They just appreciate when you try to stay as close to the limit as possible.
コメントありがとう＾＾日本語が表示されるとは知らなかったー笑
well, yeah I agree with other people. it's not boring at all !! :) I enjoyed reading it, thanks !
it's very strong, and I can imagine the situation clearly. nice essay ^^
but if I say one thing, hmm,,,, I just feel that you can write like, what you gained from that experience, as a leader. Then maybe you can finish the essay much better i guess :]
good luck !!!
お互い頑張ろうね
