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UNC Wilmington Application Essay Critique

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Nov 9, 2018   #1
The prompt: Reflecting on your personal and educational goals, please write about how you believe UNC Wilmington will allow you to grow as a student and as a person. Please also feel free to provide any explanations about your academic history. 300-500 words.

Hobby turned to Calling

I was twelve years old when I bought my first computer. Little did I know, it would set me on a journey that would lead to me finding my calling. Now there's not a doubt in my mind that I want to pursue Information Technology as my career path, and I feel that UNC Wilmington is the best option for me. There's still a lot for me to learn, I believe that UNC Wilmington will give me the tools and the resources to achieve the knowledge necessary to succeed in my desired career path. Not only does UNC Wilmington have classes pertaining to Information Technology, but they also have clubs that would allow me to demonstrate what I've learned, such as the Cyber Defense Club. The habitat provided by UNC Wilmington will be the perfect place for me to put my passion and knowledge into. By enrolling in the Information Technology program, I will be given the opportunity to meet many like-minded individuals who share the same passion as I do. Anything can happen when people with the same passion get together, and that's what excites me the most about UNCW. The atmosphere for learning and bettering one's self, especially with my desired major, is unmatched by every other school in North Carolina.

I also believe that the lessons learned while enrolled at UNC Wilmington will help me function better not only as a student but as a member of the workforce and society. The majority of the classes I've already taken have been taken online, resulting in me being mostly disconnected from the school. Being required to really "get out there" and get involved with the school will teach me greater personal involvement with what I'm focused on. Instead of working alone, I'll be engaged with a body of people who are all out to learn. University is one of the best places to learn these life lessons, and UNC Wilmington has the best Information Technology program in the state, I couldn't imagine wanting to go anywhere else.

Thanks for any pointers you give me! Lay it on me, no mercy.

Holt - / 7,546 2001  
Nov 10, 2018   #2
You have only covered all of the requirements for the choice of University. However you have not complied with the instruction regarding your academic and professional goals in relation to your University choice. It would be best if you remove the reference to your 12 year old self since it is obvious that you are unable to connect that particular portion of the text with the more mature aspect of your interests in computer education. If you wish to retain the 12 year old reference then you must indicate how you built your interest In the computer field from that age in relation to your academic goals. Discuss whatever it is that you learned from the age of 12 onwards that helped you to decide that working in the computer Is what you want to do for the rest of your life.

You must add a separate paragraph for your personal goals. The personal goals must indicate how you wish to conduct your college life, how you see yourself maturing as a student at the university, and also, explain how your addition to the student roster will help to elevate the student community / learning / social experience of the university. Discuss your strong points as a person and make sure the reviewer knows that your personal goals are meant to help you survive 4 years of college and also, develop your future professional network as it may be useful to you in the future.

It may be necessary for you to either write a new essay or adjust the content of this essay in order to properly meet the additional requirements as I have indicated above. With a maximum of 500 words, I do not see why it would be difficult to adjust the content of the essay to make room for the additional information. I should be simple enough to do once you adjust the content of the first paragraph, which is the longest, but most vague reference in terms of discussion content in this version of your response essay.

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