Hey! I'm new on this site and I would really appreciate it if you would give me some feedback on my essay. My major fear is that I am name dropping the book; I have read it, and I loved it. Should I expand on it more? I don't have that many words (500 limit) and I don't know where I can cut to expand on the book.
Thank you!
Prompt: How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.
I have walked to Starbucks and ordered the same caramel macchiato with whipped cream a hundred times. It has become almost mechanical; I walk into the store, smile at the cashier, grab my drink and go about my day. Until a few months ago, I had never actually sat down and thought about the cup of coffee in my hand. Why am I being charged 6.50 dollars for this coffee? Does it impact anyone other than my pocket and Starbucks's profits?
We sit in class everyday, read the theory, listen to the lectures of our teachers and leave the classroom confident that we have understood the material of the day. I have repeatedly reviewed the concepts of price discrimination and supply and demand without even once considering that every time I walk into Starbucks, economic theory is taking place around me. It was after I read The Undercover Economist by Tim Harford, that I truly understood the significance of economics; the way in which it can be applied to every aspect of our daily lives.
At the University of Chicago, I believe that I will be able to explore the fascinating aspects of economics through the seminars such as the Economics and Law workshop. I am very excited by the Core curriculum of UChicago because it is the perfect way to explore subjects I have not studied. That is the best part of American education, the fact that I enter university thinking of majoring in one subject but because of the various opportunities available, I may end up in an entirely different field. I will also benefit greatly from the smaller classes at UChicago and the discussion based classes in the Core as I enjoy having debates and getting to know my teacher.
One of the most important aspects of a university is community; making friends and belonging to and building a culturally diverse community. Events such as cultural shows, Panasia, the distinct neighborhood of Chicago and the art of Hyde Park all contribute to a community of freethinking and diversity that I would love to belong to. I am particularly excited about the Dollar Shake Days and Scavenger Hunt, as I truly enjoy activities that promote student bonding.
While studying at UChicago, I would like to be involved in a community that understands the importance of taking part in activities outside academics. The 250 organizations that UChicago offers would be the perfect way for me to explore my interests. I would continue my passion for playing the piano and singing by taking part in Major Music Organization and Phat Pitch. I am also very interested in taking part in activities I have not yet had an opportunity to experience such as Archery, Mock Trial Team and Amnesty International.
A major in economics will allow to me pursue many different career paths and I believe that the University of Chicago will give me the basis and confidence to pursue my dream of working within the sphere of economics.
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Again, thank you so much for taking the time to read my essay.
Happy holidays :)
Hi Rvi,
My grammar is bad so you probably do not want my comments on that.
the fact that I enter university thinking of majoring in one subject but because of the various opportunities available, I may end up in an entirely different field.
I know what you mean but what you write indicates that U Chicago courses lead you to learn what you do not want. Maybe the second part can be adjusted.
Also it would be better to make more link between the two parts of the essay. If you have said the importance of discovering economics in everyday life, may be you want to say how Uchicago programs allow that.
Overall it is very clear and the first part is quite reflective. Good Luck!!
