"underprivileged Egyptian children" - an extracurricular activity or work experience.

>>Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer)<<

It was during my junior year at Cairo's American International School that I joined 80 volunteers from different private schools to stage an AISforEgypt event for the benefit of 200 underprivileged Egyptian children.

This is when I met Hossam, a naive 12 year old boy who worked in a farm to help provide for his single mother and younger sister. I shall never forget how, during lunch, Hossam looked at his plate with an expression of disbelief. It was his first time to eat meat!

At day's end Hossam was a happier child and I much the wiser. The product of a sheltered high-end gated community I took it for granted that meat and other such staples were a common sight on everyone's lunch table.

That fated day was my initiation to the world of haves and have-nots. Hossam had changed my life... for the better.

<<thats my response to the above statement. I need more editing to make this perfect for admissions. I went through 6 drafts to minimize my work and make it 150 words or fewer so please give this a lot of attention. thank you>>>

Hi Taymour,

I didn't find much wrong with your essay. You said in the above statement that, after six revisions, you have been able to minimize your work and come up with a better essay. Is that right? Well, I would venture to say that if you were to revise it one more time, you might find that it will fit within the specifications of the 150 word count and that the essay will satisfy your instructor. Give it one more try. You did well with the essay, by the way!

--Mark :)

This is when I met Hossam, a naive 12 year old boy who worked inat a farm to help provide for his single mother and younger sister.