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'unexpected text from a freshman' - Common app-achievement that has impacted you



breed1964 1 / -  
Oct 25, 2009   #1
The dreaded freshman year of high school: terror, timidity, and teasing effectively define grade nine. In my junior year of high school, after overcoming two years of perdition, high school became my domain. Tears of effort, establishment, and exhaustion has skyrocketed me to upperclassman status. Amidst this glory I noticed the reclusive freshmen standing to the sides of the halls. Void of school spirit, absent at dances, mute at rowdy football games; I wondered how they could not love the school as much as I did. Discovering the reason why was no great feat. Realizing that we needed to decrease the intimidation factor was what sparked an idea. Thus, Link Crew was formed.

Going to the school's Activities Director was intimidating in itself. It was even more evidence that high school can be too paralyzing to act. His apprehension about jump-starting such a massive program could not sway me. I knew we needed it to encourage our freshmen and we needed it as soon as possible. After showing the director my plans for the incoming freshmen he knew that he could not pass up this opportunity for the school. His doubts were nonentities because I soon proved my competence. Applications to be a mentor flooded in and the cooperation was overwhelming. I knew if I could continue to channel this support that Link Crew would become a vital part of our school community.

It took the entire summer to build Link Crew to its potential. As there was no way to elect officers at the time the duties of arranging meetings, coordinating the leaders, and planning events all fell to me. It was the greatest summer of my life. I have never had such a vast motivation to succeed; 700 freshmen anxiously waiting to meet their mentors. Being able to simply call a meeting to order gave me a sense of empowerment I had never experienced before. Even the fact that over 700 people were relying on me could not weigh me down. It was the first time that I could not wait for school to start to make it a memorable year for the freshmen. Fortunately I only had to wait for the Freshmen Orientation to begin.

To make the freshmen feel more comfortable with their mentors and the school, our ASB allowed Link Crew to rake over orientation. We were able to give them a tour while answering critical high school questions such as "What is the best food from the cafeteria?" and "Are there traffic rules for the hallways?" It was a rewarding two hours to see my hard work pay off in their enthusiasm. Anything from answering ridiculous questions to promising to go to their basketball games made them feel a little more relaxed in the new environment. The teen angst that obscured their young faces drifted away and I could sense that Link Crew was already proving itself. Simple, cordial actions were able to make them feel confident in who they are in a place that usually chases the individuality out of all of us.

Every time I get an unexpected text from a freshman who needs advice or just wants to talk, it is the best part of my day. I have become the "Freshman Friend" to most students at my school; which is social suicide under most circumstances. However, not in this situation because Link Crew has changed the dynamics of my high school. Freshmen attendance at school functions has exceeded all other classes and their spirit is immeasurable; something that no one expected. Seeing the change that has incurred because of me drives my ambitions forward daily. It has given me inspiration to continue making those small changes that have impressive repercussions. While I do not have a new plan of action, I now know what will make me happy in life. Merely instilling a little confidence in others is a new goal. Whether or not it becomes a career is unknown, but I have found something I truly enjoy. For this I am thankful to the 700 freshmen who helped me realize that.

linmark /  
Oct 26, 2009   #2
Solid essay.First sentence opening could be improved (make it more interesting.) Small corrections on your awkward phrasing:
- Tears of effort, establishment, and exhaustion has skyrocketed me to upperclassman status. (TEARS CANNOT SKYROCKET YOU TO UPP STATUS) This sentence does not link with the next one - how you notice the freshman (through your tears?)

- It was even more evidence that high school can be too paralyzing to act. (IS HIGHSCHOOL ACTING, WHAT IS IT??)
- because I soon proved my competence (how? GIVE AN EXAMPLE)
- ASB allowed Link Crew to rake over orientation (WHAT IS ASB & how do u rake over orientation?)
- Seeing the change that has incurred (I think the word is OCCURRED)


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