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The most unhappy day in my life ("my father was in bed for ever")



autumnwave 11 / 33  
Dec 9, 2009   #1
Please help me improve English by your comment!

The most unhappy day in my life

That was that day my father was in bed for ever. Before going to work, I was a little surprised at him being in bed longer than another. Beside, I wondered myself whether he was well or not today. I came near to his bed and looked at him through mosquito net. He still lay as he was sleeping. I called him but there was no answer. I was terrible panic when I rolled the mosquito up and discovered him out of breath for a long time. I felt the sky fell down underneath my feet. I groaned in pain with my youngest brother and called for help.

Soon after many people rushed into my house because they couldn't believe my father was dead. It was yesterday evening they still saw my father going for walk in the edge of rice field. Amongst the crowded, there seemed a few people crying in company with me. From the time I realized my father never came into his senses, I sat motionless by his side. My hands held his hands while my tears dripped down on my face and my cheek. I didn't want to be apart from him even of a minutes because I knew it was the last time I was sat beside him.

Between my brothers, my father loved me the most. He rarely grumbled at me. When I felt sad, he always told everybody let me in silence instead of nagging me. He was the one who realized what I wanted even if I couldn't utter a word. He always afforded me what I wished. He always advocated what I carried out although he sometimes didn't really want how I did. He was actually the Buddha in my life.

But for now, he left me for real. There loved nobody to me like him. And I felt very unhappy when someone wore my head a mourning band. At that time, I just realized that my parents always make me happy but I didn't know I'm happy. I always dreamed of many things which I didn't occupy. I wished I had a wonderful sweet dream. I wanted to live in independence instead of living with my family. I'm too foolish because I didn't esteem what I had. I didn't know that my happiness was peaceful day beside my parents. I didn't recognize that it's my parents being my happiness.

I never forgot his sacrifice. And I was sorry that I have not done for him before he went away. No matter whether he was alive or dead, I still believe that he is always around me. Whenever I feel sad or apprehensive about something, I often whisper in my head: "Daddy, where are you? Are you around myself?" And my grieves will reduce in half when I call him as if he were still by my side.

It's three years ago from the day I was drown in agony but I couldn't forget that dreadful day. After my father's death, I dared not sleep for months. I was afraid that everybody left me alone like my father. I was afraid of everything and I was always in nervous tension. I was too exhausted to give up the job from that day.

aguafria22 5 / 17  
Dec 9, 2009   #2
This is a beautiful essay topic, I'm not sure what the prompt is so I don't know if your answering it correctly but here are my suggestions:

The worst day of my life, my father was in bed forever. Before going to work, I was a little surprisedthat my father was still asleep. I thought to myself, "Is he okay?". I came near to his bed and looked at him through mosquito net. He appeared to be asleep. I called his name, but there was no answer. Panicking, I rolled the mosquito up and discovered he was not breathing. My world turned upside down. I cried out in agony as my heart ached.

Soon after many people rushed into my house because they couldn't believe my father was dead.Just yesterday evening they still saw my fatherwas taking his usual walk in the rice field. Amongst the crowded, there seemed a few people crying in company with me. From the time I realized my father never came into his sensesMy brothers andI sat motionless by hislifeless body. I held his cold hand while my tears soaked my cheeks.I didn't want to leave his side, even for a moment, I knew it was the last time Iwould sit beside him.

Between my brothers, my father loved me the most.My father was my best friend. He rarely scolded at me. When I felt sadhe was always there for me.My father knew what I was thinking even when I couldn't speak. He provided me with all I could ever ask for. He supported my aspirations even if he didn't agree with them. He was my Buddha in real life.

My father is gone forever. When he was alive I took him for granted. I thought I wanted bigger and better things, I thought I wasn't happy. It wasn't until my father's death that I realized nothing made me happier than a peaceful day, both my parents by my side. My family is my happiness. (I think this is what you are trying to say)

I'll never forget the happiness my father brought to me. Even after his death I believe he is always with me.Whenever I feel sad or apprehensive about something, I whisper to him, "Daddy, where are you? Are you here?" .It brings me peace because I know somewhere, he is listening.
OP autumnwave 11 / 33  
Dec 9, 2009   #3
Thank Kim Creswell so much!
Your writing skill is very good. I feel that through what you revise for my essay. It's more interesting than before.
I really appreciate your comment.
aguafria22 5 / 17  
Dec 9, 2009   #4
No problem, your love for your father really shows through your writing. Just remember, never include information that is not needed, and remember to stay in the same verb tense. Great job!!
OP autumnwave 11 / 33  
Dec 16, 2009   #5
Thank you Kim Creawell, you are probably teacher, aren't you?
I feel your ideal is authentic!

One more time, thank you ever so much!

Have a good time!


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