Unique, fun, community--Why Northwestern?

Prompt: What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?(No real Word Limit)

As I was reading Northwestern, the book I received in the mail, I remembered an old LG TV advertisement titled Live Borderless. In it, a bird, living on the Isle of Flightless Birds, looks up to the skies, spots an airplane, then looks down at its flapping wings, and to the surprise of the other birds, jumps off a cliff and proceeds to fly. Unlike other undergraduate colleges, Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences provides a unique academic environment by offering "the best of both worlds" through a liberal arts education paired with numerous research opportunities. I plan on taking advantage of this in order to not only become a well-rounded student, but also to gain valuable experiences toward my pursuit of a medical career. I believe Northwestern will allow my education to be like that bird: unrestrained and unique.

While I have not yet had a chance to visit Northwestern, I believe that I will be able to fit into the diverse community. I plan on participating in activities ranging from Dillo Day and The Marathon Dance to Intramurals and clubs. Apart from offering numerous campus activities, Northwestern also provides numerous off campus opportunities to students due to its proximity to Chicago. I want to go to Northwestern because not only does it have the type of learning environment I am looking for, but it also has the type of close-knit, diverse, fun, unique, and open-minded community I want to be a part of.

I hate to echo the ideas of other, but I think the details of the actual advertisement doesn't flow well with the sentence about Weinberg College (though it did flow pretty well with the first sentence). And I like how the vivid image of the bird came into play at the end of the paragraph.

Red: My revision/reason(s) for the revision

While I have not yet had a chance to visit Northwestern,[I don't think it would benefit you to mention this.] I believe that I will be able to fit into the diverse community. I plan on participating in activities ranging from Dillo Day and The Marathon Dance to Intramurals and clubs. Apart from offering numerous campus activities, Northwestern also provides numerous off campus opportunities to students due to its proximity to Chicago. I want to go to Northwestern because not only does it have the type of learning environment I am looking for, but it also has the type of close-knit, diverse, fun, unique, and open-minded community I want to be a part of.

Actually, aside from that one thing, your essay has pretty solid ideas. However, I think the second paragraph lacks good transitions from one sentence to another. I thought it was a bit abrupt when you jumped from activities on campus (e.g. dance and clubs) to those off-campus.

I apologize if my comments and revisions weren't very helpful. Still pretty new to giving feedback.

I think the advise the two previous people gave was really good advice, and you seem to have revised it really well in light of their comments. The content appears to be sound, though i'd give it to your counselor, parent, or a teacher to go through expression with you. I imagine there could be place where you could express yourself a little better. But good job, and good luck with the application!

This is a strong essay! This draft has really a strong beginning, that scene of bird gaining power to actually fly is amazing alluding to your aspiration of obtaining pragmatic experience in NW.

But yes, I agree with the advices given above. After the beginning you might want directly enter your main theme of your life in NW, like


Then, " That's exactly what i want from Northwestern and what it can bring to me". things like that, maybe prettier~!

Also, you might then add some specific details of the programs and internships NW can offer you. Name them. It shows that you've done many works on it!

And after all, you're using the whole second paragraph talking about NW's activities. It's better to return to the flying-bird theme in the beginning. You might just mention it once or twice in the end, and make your draft more coherent and pact!

Those are just some personal suggestions! I'm new on this! Wish both os us good luck and thank you again for your advice on my draft!

As I was reading Northwestern, the book I received in the mail, I remembered an old LG TV advertisement titled,Live Borderless underline this
In it, a bird, living on the Isle of Flightless Birds, looks up to the skies, spots an airplane, then looks down at its flapping wings, and to the surprise of the other birds, jumps off a cliff and proceeds to fly.

I like this second sentence but I find it a little choppy and maybe you could somehow make it into two sentences.

Awesome essay! I would take out the part of not visiting the school (it is, honestly, superfluous). I love your connection to the bird. That is an awesome way to get the attention of a n admissions officer. Good luck!!