This is for my common app essay supplement to Johns Hopkins University
Johns Hopkins University was founded in 1876 on a spirit of exploration and discovery. As a result, students can pursue a multi-dimensional undergraduate experience both in and outside of the classroom. Given the opportunities at Hopkins, please discuss your current interests-academic or extracurricular pursuits, personal passions, summer experiences, etc.-and how you will build upon them here.
(300-500 Word limit)
I have yet to finish this essay, but this is what I have so far
Any help whatsoever is appreciated.
From a young age, my mother taught me that nothing is ordinary. After learning about how things are made up of bits and pieces, even atoms, on a smaller level, I like to think the same about people. For example, not many people share the same level of curiosity about the world as I do, and even a lesser amount that I have come across share, or the very least express, my same level of interest in both computer science and psychology, while incorporating the sport of Track and Field into their lives.
I have held interest in computer science for as long as I can remember. From when I was two years old and turned on the computer my mother had just set up, to nearly everyday use. Like anything, computers are composed of parts of a whole, but there's an even deeper aspect. What makes a computer do all the things it can do today, from a complicated hundred level game of Tetris to a simple calculator program is its written code.
Computers also move with impressive speeds, depending on the processor, with some even as fast as 3.5 gigahertz. Some computers are even said to have processors as fast as, or, in some rumors, faster than the human brain. The human brain however, I'd like to think, is much more complex. The human brain is composed of parts of a whole, does not require manual input of code, line by line, to process information. Programs with gaps in instruction are likely vulnerable to syntax errors, crashing to program entirely, dooming it to not serve its primary purpose. Nevertheless, both humans and computers are instructed to act certain ways and to do certain things. Many computers lie vulnerable to viruses and complicated botherations, eventually tearing the computer apart. The human brain, if one develops a mental disorder, is at a higher state of vulnerability to damage than at its normal state, especially if left untreated. Is this not like a computer? When time comes to really compare the two, are computer science and psychology really so different?
I liked the way how you joined computer and psychology, what you can say is how computer and psychology can be mixed together, it shows how you're interested in both, and how these to interest's are actually similar in ways
This particular response is wanting in relation to the prompt. While you pointed out your keen interest in computers and the degree of your interest in the field to a certain degree, you have not managed to create a clear connection between this particular interest and the academic or social offerings that John Hopkins can offer you in relation to your interests. The essay requires you to build upon the existing offerings of JHU in such a manner that will help you continue to enjoy the benefits of your existing academic and extra curricular activities while being a student / resident of the university. Try to revise the essay to achieve that type of response. Relate your interests to the JHU academic and social community so that your essay will be more in line with the expected response for the prompt.
so you're saying i should include both my extracurricular and academic interests and link it to the programs that hopkins offers and how they would best fit me?
Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. The John Hopkins essay prompt asks your discuss your overall development as a person via your academic, extra curricular, and personal activities. We all have learning experiences in our lives that we take with us when we go to college. These are the life and person defining events in our lives that somehow, become a part of our person and allows us a chance to continue to mature and grow as an individual. The essay prompt is asking you to consider these events in your life and how you can continue to grow as a person using that basis as the platform for your development at JHU. That will be the "best fit" as you call it :-)
what do you suggest i can omit from my essay as of right now, seeing as though i am working with a word limit?
is the alternating between computer science and psychology in the second paragraph confusing or helpful in attempt to integrate the two?
Balance your description of the relationship between computers and the human brain in the study of cognitive psychology. You don't need to refer to your childhood experiences with your mother in this respect. Discuss the development of your interest in psychology and computers and how it developed hand in hand during your early years. Then go into the specific programs of interest that you have at JHU which you can then relate to your academic and social activities. Bridge the gap between your interests and your university inclinations. Prove the direct connection between the two and then write about it.
The second paragraph is under developed. The essence of your desire to connect the two fields of study into one is quite evident. You were just not very successful in proving that connection in a clear manner for the reader. I realize you are working with word limits in your essays but there are times when you need to set those restrictions aside so that you can write a unique and complete essay response. At this point, I don't want you to think about word limitations. Just answer the prompt as best as you can and we will work some editing magic to make everything fall into place :-)
I added some information and revised, but i am not quite sure about organization
Over the past 17 years, I have learned how things are made up of bits and pieces, even atoms, on a smaller level, and I like to think the same about people. For example, not many people share the same level of curiosity about the world as I do, and even a lesser amount that I have come across share, or the very least express, my same level of interest in both computer science and psychology, an intricate and delicate, yet effective balance.
You have a half successful attempt at combining the two sciences in the second paragraph. While it is good that you presented a series of questions relating to the way the human brain and computer functions, the method by which JHU will be able to successfully help you to develop your knowledge in the field remains unclear. It is important that you highlight your life experiences in the field in relation to the specific programs and course offerings that you will be taking at JHU in order to properly answer the prompt. You need to make sure that you clearly state how your foundation in the two fields will continue to develop and be further enhanced by the JHU student experience because that is what the prompt is requesting you to explain.
should i include the part about sports?
my time is nearly up
how should i organize this essay?
You already have my previous comments regarding how to best organize and discuss your essay. Use it as your reference point. Go ahead and discuss the part about sports since it responds to the extra-curricular prompt requirement within the essay discussion. You need to show me how the next essay, with the sports part developed, developed for you. I understand that you are working on a time constraint and I am doing my best to work with you in the shortest possible time in improving your essay. Remember, you have to develop the second paragraph to reflect the way that JHU will help you excel in these specific areas. Talk about the academic side and extra curricular side of the university and hope you hope that it will be able to help you achieve a well rounded education within the next 4 years.
is this better?
At a young age I was taught that no two of anything are the same. Not many people share the same level of curiosity about the world as I do; an even lesser amount share, or the very least express, my same level of interest in both computer science and psychology: an intricate, delicate, yet effective balance.
I have held interest in computer science for as long as I can remember. From the age of two years old and first turned on a new, untouched, computer, to nearly everyday use. Like anything, computers are composed of parts of a whole. I like to think there's an even deeper aspect.
Some computers are said to have processors as fast as, or, in some rumors, faster than the human brain. The human brain however, I like to think, is much more complex. Composed of parts of a whole, the human brain does not require the manual input of line-by-line code to process information. Nevertheless, both humans and computers are instructed to act certain ways and to do certain things. Many computers lie vulnerable to viruses and complications, eventually tearing the computer apart. The human brain, if one develops a mental disorder, is at a higher state of vulnerability to damage than at its normal state, especially if left untreated... interestingly similar to a computer. When time comes to really compare, are computer science and psychology so different?
The marvelous potential a unique integration of two independent academic disciplines...
My pursuit of knowledge can thrive at an educational institution that encourages its students to pursue their interests, including those across disciplines. Johns Hopkins University, comprised of different schools, prides itself on interdisciplinary education, accommodating my passions by earning a major in Computer Science from the Whiting School of Engineering and a minor in Psychology from the Krieger School of Arts and Sciences. I can see myself in a year, participating in a hands-on experience provided by the Woodrow Wilson Undergraduate Research Fellowship Program, absorbing information, loving every minute.
From times where I was the youngest, if not only, female and one of the few people of color in my technology classes, on a first-hand basis, I learned the power of encouragement. Due to my teacher, I was motivated to complete all computer science classes my high school offered, upon completion of my junior year. In taking part of JHU's LEAD program, I can provide others with encouragement that was provided to me, bringing forth others' potential to achieve all they can and more.
From my 9th grade year to now, I have participated in my high school's indoor and outdoor track teams. Via activity-induced endorphins, the energy helped me stay positive and persevere in my interests. Becoming a Blue Jay and participating on the indoor and outdoor track teams for such a prestigious university details a dream come true.
Hopkins' endeavors, academics, and the ability to earn a Bachelor's while earning a Master's seal the deal: I am ready for Johns Hopkins.
If you are still not over your word limit you could quote Einstein - "There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle." for the beginning part :D and Good luck on your essay