Prompts
Academic History:
Here is my personal statement for the University of Washington. I didn't get very fancy with it. Please give advice. I would appreciate it!
To whom it may concern:
I want to start by thanking you for taking the time to consider my statement. My field of study is computer programming. I am inspired to go into the business of programming because it provides a way for me to demonstrate my creativity and my logical abilities. Furthermore, I am excited to take on the challenges of being female in a mostly male oriented field.
Growing up I did not fit into the typical girlish image. I played with dolls with other girls but I also appreciated video games which was commonly considered a boy's domain. My family was on limited income as we survived off of my father's social security disabilities check, but I was able to enjoy games and computers at my friends' houses. I have grown to appreciate the logical nature and artistic value technology has to offer. In my earlier years I taught myself how to type, surf the web, and use programs on the computer. In my later years I went to school and learned how to design simple programs. As a teenager I was given the opportunity to enjoy the more artistic side of computers. Using music programs, I assisted my father in entertaining mentally challenged people at the special dances that were put on for them. My sister who is mentally challenged was our inspiration. My father and I put on holiday dances and brought my sister along so she could meet new friends. The experience was more than merely a service to society. It was a pleasure to watch my sister mingle and dance with other people who were a part of her community.
My educational goal is to become a competent computer programmer by utilizing the tools that school will provide me for my future career. At this point in time I am significantly close to earning an Associate's degree. I plan to attend school full-time and graduate within a little more than two years. I will become certified in computer programming after completing a bachelor's degree and possibly dedicate myself to earn a master's degree. After I graduate and become certified, I will look for work at a smaller company and eventually strive to work for a larger corporation such as Microsoft. My educational history demonstrates that I have a strong desire to work in the computer industry though at times I have encountered serious obstacles.
In 2006 I completed the Fresh Start program for high school students offered at Tacoma Community College with 46 college credits and a "B" average.
My grades at Tacoma Community College reflect that I take college seriously and I have much promise in my educational career. After receiving my diploma, I attended Bates Technical College in 2006-2007 where I pursued a degree in Database Management. I did well in the beginning but after a while I struggled to maintain good attendance and decent grades. Unfortunately at that time I was beginning to struggle with alcohol addiction because I suffered from untreated social anxiety panic attacks. While attending Bates, my grades reflected both when I was not drinking as heavy and when I was drinking daily. In 2008 I transferred to Clover Park Technical College where I excelled for a while. I received "A" and "B" grades and was offered an internship. Using Microsoft Access, I assisted the Clover Park Technical College committee in designing a database that functioned to track articulation agreements between Clover Park and other colleges. The committee was pleased with my work. Again the alcohol problem began to take over and I ended up withdrawing from classes or failing classes, passing only some occasionally. My grades at Clover Park reflect the fact that I am a talented student who has struggled with alcohol addiction. I left Clover Park in Spring of 2009 to receive inpatient treatment.
Currently I am attending outpatient treatment and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. In the near future, I plan to become a volunteer for groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous and the Tacoma Area Coalition for Individuals with Disabilities(TACID) so I can help others who suffer from addiction and also help people with mental disabilities. Having a mentally challenged sister and working with her community gave me natural compassion and sensitivity towards people who possess different backgrounds. As a college student who has suffered from alcoholism, I have also taken an interest in researching alcoholism and how it affects different groups of people. Studying Sherman Alexie's poems offered me a more mature understanding of the role of alcoholism on reservations. I firmly believe that I will fit in as a student at the University of Washington because this school will allow me to strengthen and build on what I have already learned about diverse groups of people. I appreciate your consideration for my application.
I forgot to mention that the word limit is supposed to be 600 words. I felt that could not elaborate on certain statements because I've gone well over the word limit.
There's just too much here. The first paragraph can be deleted completely. It isn't necessary. Also most of the 4th paragraph can go. I realize that alcohol addiction recovery speaks well of you, but I don't really think that telling someone you don't know and who has decision-making power over you is a good idea. First of all, it's irrelevant to what you want to do. Second of all, it's not exactly a great calling card. Third, if you're sober, it doesn't matter.
This will cut down your word count, which is good. It will also refocus your essay to computers, not your personal difficulties.
Nice essay.. i feel you on the whole not being super girly thing.
I dont have a degree in litrature or anything but you may wanna work on your intro... they already know your happy to apply and "to whom it may concern" is not at all person. From what i understand the essay is suppposed to help the college understand you, but the intro seems as if your regurgitating the format for a work email.
like i said before, i have no credentals but thats what i thought about the intro.
Good luck, its a beautiful campus. i was going to apply but its kinda pricy =D.
