"to unite my passions" - What makes Stanford perfect for me?

What makes Stanford a good place for you?

I think this was the hardest prompt, since it required some research. But what I found was really interesting :]
If anyone can help with this essay, I will greatly appreciate it. Thanks!

The black screen flickered to life. I breathed life into the computer's heart. The neuronal algorithms intricately weaved the cluster of bytes into a fine specimen of euphony as I navigated through the sea of sites and finally docked at YouTube. Anxiously, I awaited the electronic rendition of Dvorak's Violin Concerto.

My throat clicked as I watched the bow dolefully stroke the rosined hair; my eyes glimmered with nostalgic tears as my ears absorbed the violin's tender melodies. The morning sun dimmed and the atmosphere grayed. I was whisked away to my rural childhood, and my chair transformed into a lonely stone in the midst of lush pastures. As the dulcet tones subsided, I slowly came into a hopeful realization that the computer, which has always been branded as inanimate and unfeeling, had created this poignant beauty. Since then, I sought to sway emotions by composing my own harmony between music and computers.

After thorough research, I discovered that only Stanford offered not only rigorous education and a beautiful nearby campus, but also the unique musical algorithms I had long-sought. I believe that only through Stanford's Laptop Orchestra (SLOrk) can I hone my programming expertise while composing and producing music near home. Not only will I learn to modify computer software and graphics hardware, but I will also learn to creatively accommodate the variety of tones necessary for sublime digitized music. Through the Orchestra, I can also develop my lyrical talents, contribute to its musical agenda with my own engineered compositions, and improve the Chuck audio language with my programming experience in C++. No other nearby prestigious institution offers this unique opportunity; through Stanford, I can achieve the ultimate electronic euphony.

Impeccable! One of the few essays that I have read where no negative comments come to mind.
Pretty amazing honestly, well phrased and systematically developed train of thought. Varied sentences and literary enough to avoid sounding pedantic.

I noticed just one small glitch.


is a typo I assume.

I am dissapointed that I cannot be of more help, so I will just offer you my best wishes and hope you get into Stanford :D

P.S Perhaps more talented writers can pinpoint your areas of improvement, which is currently beyond my ability~!

Hmm...I got the feeling that your research was not thorough enough.

You use the first two paragraphs making the same point, i.e. you want a place to combine both your passions. So you don't really talk about Stanford until the last paragraph.

Here you use weak phrases like "friendly environment" and "grand aspiration".

I would suggest you to include something that only Stanford students know, and not something you can easily find out on the web. Did you contact any current or ex-students?

I guess I'm being a bit harsh, but that's only because you write so well. You can definitely do a lot better.

Good luck!!