I am from Germany and I want to apply to U Penn. What do you think of my essay? Its still to long, so what should I edit? I would really appreciate it if somebody could help me. I also need a strong conclusion.
Benjamin Franklin established the Union Fire Company, the Library Company of Philadelphia, the American Philosophical Society, Pennsylvania Hospital, and, of course, the charity school that evolved into the University of Pennsylvania. As they served the larger community of Philadelphia, each institution in turn formed its own community.
Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania are most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community?
"Chocolate Chili, Caramalized Breast of Duck" Although these combinations might sound odd to most people, they make up dishes superior to those without these "unusual" mixtures. Chili and Chocolate on their own are fine, but, combined in the right amount, this dish reaches a whole new level. To always strive after finding the secret ingredient that improves the dish, the desire for the unconventional solution, perfectly represents my challenging, ambitious attitude. Whether it would be going on an exchange year in the United States or founding my own company when I was still a senior in high school. I always seek after a new challenge, a new adventure, and a new experience. Although I could not always determine the right ratio of spices and herbs right away and, thus, needed some help from time to time, I never lost track of my goals and aspirations; I have never lost my appetite. And the University of Pennsylvania is next on my bill of fare.
Just like I need variety in my food, I have a wide range of interests and skills. Even though High School provided me with a good general education and allayed my hunger for knowledge, all I really learned is how to use salt and pepper, the basic ingredients. Proper usage of these ingredients makes a good dish, no more, no less. Taking over responsibility in my sports club as well as in school, I developed leadership qualities and social skills. Attributes you cannot acquire by studying books. These attributes, however, helped me gain respect and confirmed my open-minded attitude. Some of my interests and skills supposedly interfere, whereas I believe that combining especially these skills leads to great success and in some ways to innovation. "Wow, I would have never thought you were that good in school" is one of the best compliments I have ever been paid. It shows that I have skills beyond the typical bookworm. I combine a challenging, ambitious attitude, which enabled me to solve every problem in school and to overcome the struggles of everyday life, with an open-minded, social character, which gives me a huge advantage whenever I work with people. Thus, my recipes include ingredients other than just salt and pepper. The University of Pennsylvania, with its number students whose combinations of ingredients differ from mine, is the perfect place to share my individual recipes and, thus, to learn from the diversity of the student body.
Due to my hunger to combine my analytical with my social skills, the Jerome Fisher Program of Management and Technology, the M&T Program, instantly put a smile on my face when I read about it. Undecided which degree, engineering or business, I want to pursue on the undergraduate level, I was pleased to see that the M&T Program focuses on the integration of the two studies rather that just offering a double major. From the experience in my own company, I realize the importance of having specific knowledge about the product as well as understanding how a to sell your product. You may be a great cook, but if you try to cook revolutionary for tradition-conscious people in Bavaria, you will never succeed. Only the combination of the two ingredients, specific knowledge and a good business sense, ultimately leads to innovative ideas and great success.
Even though I have an ambitious, challenging attitude and a hunger to learn, my open-minded character and my social skills will mostly contribute to the M&T Program, and the University of Pennsylvania itself. Working a lot with people as the manager of my company, I soon realized, for some people, their sympathy for you decides whether they buy your product or not. Although I do not want to disregard the importance of having a good academic education, I want to emphasize the opportunities that the combination of a good academic education with outstanding social skills has to offer.
The University of Pennsylvania is unique in that it not only offers an exceptional academic education, with unimaginable research opportunities- I cannot wait to explore them- and exceptional professors such as Dr. William F. Hamilton - inspiring role models-, it also offers the ability to improve your social skills in countless clubs outside class. I specifically cannot wait to improve my recipes in the Penn Cooking Club. Since both of my parents are cooks, I regard it as my duty to teach about European Haute Cuisine. Moreover, I will learn recipes from people all over the world. Additionally, I will participate in the soccer club. I had to give up soccer due to an injury, but I am so excited to be able to play again. I am sure I will improve the team with my experiences as a player and as a coach.
The University of Pennsylvania- its diversity as well as its commitment to social development- and especially the M&T Program seems to be the perfect place to link my academic interests with my social skills.
