Prompt: Describe the courses of study and the unique characteristics of the University of Pennsylvania that most interest you. Why do these interests make you a good match for Penn?
Essay:
Everyone has certain dreams they replay in their minds over and over again, and I am certainly no different. Often, I would catch myself teleporting mentally to a different world, the Penn World. I imagine walking upon Locust Walk, arching over the city's busy pool of track, yet simultaeneously charmed head over heels by the well grown oaks, ___, ____ trees that sway romantically with the seasonal breezes. It is truly an incredible feeling to be standing atop a metropolitan and traditional city environment while being surrounded by a small-town atmosphere that most characterizes Penn. As I make my way past the John Huntsman building, I notice the hurrying students; despite their rush, they would still acknowledge my presence with a smile.
It is difficult to imagine myself selecting one concentration among the many topics within the Wharton program, as I find myself attracted to several of the listed fields. One of which is the study of Finance. Through interning at AXA-Financial-Advisors, I have not only learned much of the real-world practice of investment stradegies, but also confirmed my strong interest in finance. I simply cannot wait to utilize my work experience to understand more about the world of finance and what can be done admist of this economic crisis America is in currently. As an addition to the Finance concentration, I also would love to choose my 2nd concentration in Global Analysis. Due to my background and interest in asian cultures, I plan to focus not only on the domestic field of finance but also the international perspective. Finally, Marketing and Communication is another dual field I find myself quite drawn toward and am confident in that my outgoing personality and articulate speaking skills will aid me in promoting promoting products effectively.
Above all however, I would have to admit that the study abroad program at Wharton was what attracted me the most. Unlike most undergraduate intstitutions, Penn's having an undergraduate business focus allows it to have abroad programs specifically designed for prospective business students. Moreover, its multiple locations in Beijing and Hong Kong, China are especially convenient for me to maximize the use of my fluency in Chinese and its culture. My worldliness will also aid in making my transition between the two worlds so that I will be having the "time of my life".
The Wharton Undergraduate Finance Club is one that I plan to engage on a frequent basis. Throughout the first few weeks at Penn, I envision myself attending "Finance 101". I will listen intently as presentations on basic finance terms are presented. My mind will be nourished with information of "private equity", "venture capital", and much more financial terms I have heard during the short time at Wharton. Later through the year, I will compete in "Case Competitions" with my intercollegiate peers to demonstrate the financial knowledge I would have learned from the freshman curriculum of my Wharton education. Aside from stepping in and out of W.U.F.C, I also see myself in the Wharton China Association. Facillitated by my Chinese heritage as well as the 11 years I have spent in Beijing, I plan to become more than just a member of this association, but rather take on leadership through contacting speakers from Chinese firms, communicating ideas between the Wharton students and leaders in those Chinese firms, and much more.
The social environment at University of Pennsylvania is also one of its most appealing factors to me. With a great school spirit and a relatively medium class size, Penn embodies the ideal location to have the college experience of a lifetime. Its scholastic blend with its emphasize of students' social networking experience combine to make Penn the ultimate place to maximize one's academic and social capacity. I picture myself enriching this experience by joining the Penn Symphony Orchestra, utilizing my nine years in orchestra to further my musical contribution to Penn. I also envision meeting enthusiastic new people on the Give a Toast to Penn event, and immersing myself in the passionate spirit of my top choice university.
As I snap back into reality, I take the time to savor my walk through life at UPENN. While I realize that I might ultimately not live out this dream, I am grateful already for simply enjoying myself imaginarily. However, everyone wouldn't mind their dream becoming reality, and I am certainly no exception. So University of Pennsylvania, will you be my dream come true?
Good evening.
A very good essay, but a couple of things:
First, mechanically, make sure your punctuation is always inside of your quotation marks.
Second, make sure that you are only capitalizing proper nouns and the beginning words of sentences, and not capitalizing words that are not either.
In regards to content, the prompt asks not only why it is that you chose the university, but why you would be a good fit for you. You do a good job of explaining why you want to attend this institution, but don't take the time to discuss why it is you will fit there academically or as part of the student body. What will you contribute to the success of the university? How will you make it better? I suggest you spend some time focusing on that as well.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
in the end, either put a comma after "So" since you are addressing Upenn as some one you are talking to. So, Upenn, ... or get rid of So all together. Not the best thing to start with a so or but anyway.
