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Upenn Essay- the academic, social and athletic networks



gmailblows31 6 / 21  
Dec 20, 2008   #1
Need help to see if I answered the question and whether I have any glaring grammatical errors.
Thanks in advance.
Prompt- Describe the courses of study and the unique characteristics of the University of Pennsylvania that most interest you. Why do these interests make you a good match for Penn?

I have experienced the college campus life before during summer programs at universities like Carnegie Mellon, Dickinson College and St. Mary's College, so I know what is important to me in a college atmosphere. Whether lounging in my dorm room or studying in the colleges libraries I expect adequate facilities, and I know I receive even better at the University of Pennsylvania. To me, the academic, social and athletic networks at a university are very important and are necessary in order to thrive.

During my six week summer stay at the Carnegie Mellon University I divulged in a world class architectural education. With tenured professors that gave me one-on-one interaction I learned how important a good professor can be. At the University of Pennsylvania I can expect exemplary professors that enhance my learning. At the Wharton School, especially, students such as I are privy to the minds of professors like Dr. Franklin Allen and Dr. Jeremy J. Siegel. To be able to learn at an institution that has been recognized as the best business school in years past would be an honor and would harness my intellectual abilities. At the College of Arts and Sciences I would also be able to learn from some of the best professors in the world. With Drs. William Harris and Richard Johnston as political science professors I would be able to learn from their research in the field. At a university I not only look for a place where not only the education is excellent but where the ability to research is present. With fifteen libraries amassed with 4.5 million volumes of literature, group study areas, computer lounges and seminar rooms I would be able to accomplish such studies in a comfortable setting.

At St. Mary's College in Maryland, I enjoyed a socially active three week stay in which I made dozens of friends. The campus quads were welcoming, the walks along campus beautiful and the dorm rooms homey. Such an environment made St. Mary's City not just my house for three weeks, but a home. I know that I can feel the same way at the University of Pennsylvania. During my visit at the university I went through Locust Walk and saw the beauty of the campus on an early summer morning. The walk resembled the St. Mary's College path and it made me want to just sit down on a bench and take it in. Although I was unable to enter one of the dormitory halls of the campus, I have heard of the great community that is forged at W.E.B. Du Bois college house. As a hall with main quads, exercise rooms, a library and a computer lab, I am sure I would feel right at home.

I would also be interested in the universities wide array of social groups and clubs to help myself and other students feel more at home. The Civic House would be a great utility for me because the Civic House acts as a social "hub" for Penn students and I would be able to engage in community service programs while also meeting new people on and off campus. Using the resources of the Office of Student Life, I am sure to be able to fill my time with activities in groups such as the Model Congress and other political organizations as well as the Men's Club Volleyball team.

The University's study abroad program is also something that has attracted me to the University. As a person who likes to see new places and experience different cultures, the ability to study in a foreign culture is exciting. With familial roots in Ireland and Spain and a great interest in England being able to study in those countries would be an adventure for me but also challenge me to adjust.

During my three-week stay at Dickinson College in 2006, I was treated to a rather adequate education in chemistry but was very pleased by the wide array of athletic fields and services. Almost daily I would trek over to the football field on campus or another field in town and play with friends. My greatest interest in athletics is baseball, but I also enjoy football, fencing, volleyball and table tennis. At the University of Pennsylvania I would be able to harness and enjoy all of these sports whether as a casual participant, observer or varsity athlete at any one of the University's facilities. I would be especially interested in the facilities at the David Pottruck Health and Fitness Center. Here, I would be able to do some recreational swimming, shoot some hoops and maybe challenge myself to some rock-climbing. The Center sounds like an all-in-one facility for rigorous or recreational athletic activities.

As a whole, the University of Pennsylvania forges an excellent balance of academics, social opportunities and athletics. As a leader in these fields, I can anticipate to attain a world class education while enjoying myself at the gym or in my dorm. Some universities may have a world class education or an exceptional social network, but Penn provides all three. With an efficient, yet aesthetically pleasing environment, I will be able to learn and research while also being able to join social groups and admire the beauty that is Philadelphia.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 21, 2008   #2
I think it's great that you mentioned some of the faculty members by name!!

The University's study abroad program is another feature that attracts me...

This is well-written, no mistakes! However, it focuses all on the school and not on you. From the prompt, it seems that a good essay will tell particular, unique things about both YOU and the school. To improve it, maybe speak about your intended major, what makes you different from other students in this major, and what makes this school axactly right for you.

Imagine some magic oracle appeared and prophesied that this school will be better than any other for you, and challenged you to solve the riddle of what makes it perfect for you. Does that even make sense???

:)
OP gmailblows31 6 / 21  
Dec 21, 2008   #3
"However, it focuses all on the school and not on you. From the prompt, it seems that a good essay will tell particular, unique things about both YOU and the school. To improve it, maybe speak about your intended major, what makes you different from other students in this major, and what makes this school axactly right for you."

I can't really speak about an intended major because Im applying undecided. I tried hinting at interests in poli-sci and business with the names and professors.

I would appreciate any help in a way to express that better to the university.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 22, 2008   #4
Yes! Here is the best advice ever! You can apply as pol. sci. (which is a great major by the way) EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT SURE IF YOU WILL STAY WITH THAT MAJOR!! So, that is great. Because you can appear more decisive and driven by applying as a pol. sci major. You can change it after a semester if you want. Choose the classes carefully, that's all.

:)
mcwingo29 2 / 11  
Dec 22, 2008   #5
You have to be careful at Penn though depending on what major you are considering switching to because for some majors it is more difficult to transfer into them than it is to apply originally. But if you are interested in things in the College then you should be fine. If you are going to try to switch into Wharton though you have to have amazing grades and hope that someone else dropped out.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 23, 2008   #6
Wow, that is good advice, too. Well, keep all of that in mind, and proceed with tons of confidence! It is good to choose majors that open up a lot of opportunities for you.


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