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UPenn, Brown, - short answer Thank you



hopefull 2 / 4  
Jan 1, 2009   #1
Penn offers its undergraduates an eminent faculty and a wealth of research opportunities. Use the space below to name a Penn professor with whom you would like to study or conduct research and explain why. (It is not our expectation that you contact faculty directly to answer this question.) Please answer in this space provided. (1000 character with space limit)

"I think that some people thought it was cheap for society to ignore poor people and, if they had to, let them starve on the street... But it turns out that having people live on the street isn't cheap after all" Reading an article of Dr.Dennis Culhane, I realized how true his statement is. Seeing firsthand the severity of homelessness in my city, Vancouver, I want to bring my experience of having worked with numerous homeless to Philadelphia, where the situation is just as serious. As I have seen a dramatic change in working with Project Share, a club devoted to alleviating the homeless conditions, and conducting a research on homeless youth, I now wish to study more extensively on this issue. By conducting research with renowned Dr.Culhane on his innovative, integrated administrative databases, I wish to discuss further on the critical social issue and take a peak at the professor's the profound prospect.

How did you become interested in Brown, e.g., college counselor, undergraduate, relative, web site? (900 characters with space)

Like a stranger, I first learned about Brown 4 years ago when my sister was in the process of applying. To a high school freshman, the word "Brown" sounded no different than the color orange. Like an acquaintance, I became familiar with Brown during my visit to the university two winters ago. Falling in love with its friendly atmosphere, I recall rubbing the nose of John Hay statue to wish myself luck in the near future. Like a friend, I developed an amiable relationship with Brown through my frequent visits to the website. Surely, I found myself to be the perfect aspiring candidate as Brown offers the Community Health major, in which I wish to study and conduct research on the homeless health with the passionate professors. I am no longer a freshman who could not distinguish between orange and the Brown university. Like family, the next time I approach Brown, I wish to be a Brown Bear.

Thank you very much

ohreally 8 / 20  
Jan 1, 2009   #2
Great Job!
I couldn't find any major mistakes except these...

club devoted to alleviating (I would just get rid of the 'the') homeless conditions,

Best of luck!!
OP hopefull 2 / 4  
Jan 1, 2009   #3
thank you :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 3, 2009   #4
"I think that some people thought it was cheap for society to ignore poor people and, if they had to le t them starve on the street... But it turns out that having people live on the street isn't cheap after all." Reading an article of Dr.Dennis Culhane, I realized how true his statement is. Seeing firsthand the severity of homelessness in my city, Vancouver, I want to bring my experience of having worked with numerous homeless to Philadelphia, where the situation is just as serious. As I have seen a dramatic change in working with Project Share, a club devoted to alleviating the homeless conditions, and conducting a research on homeless youth, I now wish to study more extensively on this issue. By conducting research with renowned Dr.Culhane on his innovative, integrated administrative databases, I wish to discuss further on the critical social issue and take a peak at the professor's the profound prospect.

Yes, right on!! Empower the poor people and they become tax payers, and the economy improves, so everybody wins!!

How did you become interested in Brown, e.g., college counselor, undergraduate, relative, web site? (900 characters with space)

Like a stranger meeting an important future friend, I first learned about Brown four years ago, when my sister was in the process of applying.

This second one is eloquent, but can you give some specific reasons? Some specific resources, programs, faculty, etc, that draw you to Brown?

:)
jennc09 4 / 63  
Jan 3, 2009   #5
I really liked your short answer as well. I couldn't find any mistakes, since it looks like everyone caught the major mistakes. Looks good!
ichid99 9 / 10  
Jan 3, 2009   #6
I really like your response. There were not many mistakes. Good luck!
foodforthought - / 1  
Jan 5, 2009   #7
"I think that some people thought it was cheap for society to ignore poor people and, if they had to, let them starve on the street... But it turns out that having people live on the street isn't cheap after all." Reading an article of Dr. Dennis Culhane, I realized how true his statement is. Seeing firsthand the severity of homelessness in my city, Vancouver, I want to bring my experience of having worked with numerous homeless personsto Philadelphia, where the situation is just as serious. As I have seen a dramatic change in working with Project Share, a club devoted to alleviating the homeless conditions, and conducting research on homeless youth, I now wish to study this issue more extensively. By conducting research with renowned Dr.Culhane on his innovative, integrated administrative databases, I wish to discuss further the critical social issues and take a peek at the professor's profound concepts."

Hi, I had just a couple of grammatical suggestions (see above). Also, I deleted a few words, but didn't know how to use the tools to indicate that, so you'll need to compare this with your original paragraph. Remember, "homeless" is an adjective, not a noun.

Lastly, I edited the sentence about Dennis Culhane's work to clarify that you're interested in Dr. Culhane's theoretical contributions to the field and not just his databases. After all, his review of administrative data wouldn't have been very important if he didn't analyze the data and use it to frame the larger concepts of the demographics of homelessness and what that means for how we should structure homeless assistance.


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