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'USA - China: you can control your life' - Personal Statement



lucy123 5 / 9  
Oct 27, 2012   #1
I used to be kind of a too well-behaved girl with good grades and no reproachful performance at school.

Since I had gradually understand the chats among the grown-ups, I came to be aware that people took a totally different lifestyle from older generation, but what they still had, were the ingrained tradtional thoughts in their minds. In their deep inside, there was no better thing than the girls should get good grades, go to Chinese colleges, find steady jobs and finally have happy marriages----this was their simple idea of live as which they regard the "safe" way of living. Unfortunately for me, exposed to such an atmosphere full of conventional ideas, I found myself almost became one of them, thinking about how to fit in with the pattern of their lives with comfort and no challenge. Always feeling satisfied when teacher praised me for my high rank in the grade and content myself with the stack of hononrary credentials, I thought my simple happy life would carry. But suddenly something just changed my original values of life and evoked the most ambitious and curious me hided in the bottom of my heart.

It was a usual weekends at my age of eightïźŒI went to my grandparents' house when my grandpa was cleaning up some old stuff. He showed me a sealed old newspaper clipping of "The New York Times", which impressed me most was the big picture on it. A man with sunken eyes, big nose, obviously was not how a Chinese look. Grandpa pointed at this man and said," This is Richard Milhous Nixon, the thirty-seventh president of United States. And the man next to him in the picture is me." For a moment, I could not believe my ears. How could my grandpaian accept the president's reception in White House. Grandpa said, "I was an acrobat in Shenyang Acrobatic Troupe, and in 1972 I was sent to shoulder the mission of the establishment of diplomatic relation between the United States and Republic of China. It was my choice to decide whether take on this mission, because during the performance my life was likely to be threatened at any time by those who wanted to undermine the relation between two countries. However, I accepted this challenge and completed it successfully."He then talked about the magnificance of the skyscraper seemed to touch the sky, surprised at the advancement of the electrical applicances such as the television that he had never seen before, and praised that how warm-hearted, friendly and frank were the American people he met.

I was enchanted. As if all the words were turned into pictures painting the beautiful scene of my imagination of America. That moment, I decided to give up my safe lifestyle and ready for meeting every challenge in my life. I participated in the singing contest, though my parents didn't believe that such a shy girl could sing on the stage. I danced jazz, though someone said it made me not like a Chinese girl. I learned languages like Japanese and Spanish, though my some people said it may occupy my time of learning math and physics. I played basketball and billiards, though all of my friends thought these sports were too boyish. But I don't care what other think, just making my life more "dangerous". Now, I want to further my study in America, though people say it will be hard for me to live in foreign country alone. However, What I feel is not fear but excitement because I am about to meet a new challenge, which may bring me surprise, joy or disappointment. The most important thing is, not flow to the place where the simple life takes you, but you can control your own life no matter what you may encounter.

And now, I am a well-behaved girl with spirit of challenge and passion for life.

Jennyflower81 - / 674  
Oct 28, 2012   #2
Your essay is very well-done, I like your style of writing and your story is touching and interesting. However, you need to create a better connection from the first paragraph to the rest of the paper. I like the way you mention your love for adventure, and that you will still play it safe as you were taught. I love the way you describe culture, and your grandpa, and connect those things to your dreams for the future. Continue to work on your grammar. You have a great topic, so not to worry, just clean up the small errors in your wording and your essay will be perfect. Good luck in school.


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